Wilson Quote #192
Quote from Wilson in A House Divided
Wilson: When does he move back in?
Tim: Oh, it'll take Al and I a couple of weeks to fix that house. I got a problem.
Wilson: You know, you wouldn't have a problem if you were an African buffalo weaver.
Tim: No kidding. I'd be in Africa weaving a buffalo.
Wilson: No, no, no, Tim. See, buffalo weavers are birds who nest communally. Then when the nest is damaged, instead of one bird spending months trying to fix it, eight to ten birds working together can rebuild it in no time.
Tim: Perfect. Perfect. I've just gotta find a sparrow that spackles, a duck that can dry-wall, and use some plaster of parrots.
Wilson: [chuckles] No, Tim, what I'm saying is maybe you should try to find some birds of your own feather.
Tim: Hey. Oh-ho-ho! It'd be tough finding a duck that dry-walls. And who can afford a union duck? Their bill is enormous.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘A House Divided’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Jill: Hey, guys, can you keep it down?
Tim: Yeah, yeah. Come on, Benny.
Benny: Hiya, roomie.
Jill: I beg your pardon?
Tim: Didn't I tell you I was gonna tell her?
Benny: Tim blew up my house. Need I say more?
Tim: I didn't blow up your house. I didn't blow up his house.
Quote from Tim
Al: Benny! Did your aunt happen to mention that there's also a gas leak in the stove?
Benny: Maybe. It's hard to understand her when she's not wearing her teeth.
Al: You realize there's the possibility gas has been leaking into this house for the last half hour? The slightest spark could cause combustion.
Benny: Take it easy. I disconnected all the electrical appliances like you told me.
Al: Ah, good.
Benny: Except that lamp over there. But you don't have to worry. It's the kind that only goes on when you clap.
Tim: Come on, guys. Let's go. [claps]
[After Al and Benny see the lamp turn on, Al grabs Tim and they dive for cover before the house explodes]
Tim: Let me guess. There was another leak?
Al: The stove.
Tim: Benny!
Quote from Benny
Benny: Can you guys loan me a space heater?
Al: What for?
Benny: The furnace in my residence has a gas leak. I don't have the means to get it fixed.
Harry: What kind of dump are you living in now?
Benny: For your edification, it's an eight-room house. One room, I'm not sure what it is. It's got a lot of books in it.
Tim: The bathroom.
Al: You can't afford an eight-room house.
Benny: True, but my beloved aunt is in Florida for a few months. And while the aunt's away, the nephew will stay.
Tim: My guess is he won't pay.
Benny: And I'm covered till May.