Al Quote #146
Quote from Al in Too Many Cooks
Irma: Anyway, I'm gonna be gone until next Sunday, and I was wondering if I could impose on you to... fill in for me. You know, be Irma for a week. [chuckles]
Al: Irma for a week?!
Tim: I don't know.
Al: Oh, come on, Tim. Irma needs our help. Her radish just had a cabbage.
Tim: Well, when you put it like that, Al... Hmm... I could host it. We could have that Spam casserole. Al could assist me.
Irma: Oh, well, as a matter of fact, since Al is such a wonderful cook, I was hoping that he would host it and that you would assist him.
Tim: Uh... I don't... I really don't think Al would be comfortable with that. You know he's been...
Al: I would love the opportunity. In fact, you might say I would relish it.
Irma: "Relish"? Oh, Al! I just admire your joie de vivre.
Tim: That's French for "big butt crack," isn't it?
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Too Many Cooks’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: Hi. Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor. And you all know my assistant Al "This Land Is" Borland. Today we're talking about Binford's new high-tech security alarm systems for cars, 'cause a secure car... is a happy car. While a car that isn't so secure can cost you thousands of dollars in therapy fees.
Al: Now, the most inexpensive way to protect your car is with the Binford 6100 steering-wheel lock.
Tim: It's a good lock, Al, but if you've got a larger car - a monster truck, front-end loader or a space shuttle - you want the Binford 61,000,000. Now, there's a lock. Look at the size of that thing.
Al: Well, if you wanna go the more sophisticated route...
Tim: [English accent] You might wanna watch Masterpiece Tool Time with your host Alistair Bo-o-o-orland.
Al: Would that be an English accent? I was talking more along the lines of an electric car alarm, the most basic of which will go off if your doors or windows are tampered with.
Tim: Right, but you can customize. You can have automatic door locks, ignition cutoff, gas cutoff. And not a moment too soon.
Al: Oh, very funny, Tim. I'm sure our nursery-school viewers are rolling in their sandboxes.
Tim: [hisses] Now, if you wanna go the whole hog, you... No. You probably want the Binford Thiefbuster 1000. It has a personalized voice warning system. I installed it on this pony myself. [alarm chirps] Act like a thief.
Tim's voice: [on alarm] Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man! Back away, Flannel Man!
Quote from Al
Al: Good night, Mrs. McDowell. Thank you for coming, Mrs. Yost. Remember the weather report from the kitchen - "Chili today, hot tamale."
Quote from Heidi
Heidi: Does everybody know who's in the kitchen?
Audience: Irma!
Heidi: That's right, it's Cooking With Irma... with special guest chef Al Borland!