Tim Quote #665
Quote from Tim in You're Driving Me Crazy, You're Driving Me Nuts
Police Officer: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What am I talking about? Elmwood's closed.
Tim: Fallen tree?
Police Officer: No. A dead cow. Yeah, frozen to the highway.
Tim: What?
Marty: Happens a lot.
Police Officer: Go north - that's left.
Tim: All right.
Police Officer: OK? Now, at Beechwood you turn east, that's right. Now, Beechwood becomes Route 2. But you won't know that 'cause it's called Evelyn. But it doesn't matter 'cause the sign blew down.
Tim: Sign's down.
Police Officer: OK. Now, continue going east, on Evelyn, also known as Beechwood, a.k.a. Route 2, till the fork in the road. Now, north - left - is Carmelita, right - south - is Maple. You want right-south Maple. Got that?
Tim: Cows freeze to the highway a lot?
Home Improvement Quotes
‘You're Driving Me Crazy, You're Driving Me Nuts’ Quotes
Quote from Jill
Jill: Our wedding was so beautiful. I am so glad that I didn't let anybody talk me out of marrying you.
Tim: Who tried to talk you out of marrying me?
Jill: Oh, no one. You know, just... my mom, my dad, my sisters, my friends. The minister. The postman. Some guy down at the mailbox. You know. Oh, and Sheila.
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Who said to me, "Don't marry him. I know a loser when I see one."
Tim: Good thing she was wrong.
Jill: Who said she was wrong? [Tim smushes cake in Jill's face]
Quote from Wilson
Tim: [grunts] I should have just done what she said. You know, got directions and forget my stupid instincts.
Wilson: Oh, Tim. Don't sell your stupid instincts short. Do you realize that people have a tiny compass in their nose?
Tim: I was never aware of that, no.
Wilson: Yes, it's true. People have a tiny iron deposit in their nose. It's right up here, [nasally] near the ethmoid bone. [normally] And that gives them directions to magnetic north, and since men have more iron in their bodies than women, it only follows that they would make a better compass.
Tim: [nasally] If I have such good instincts, how come I couldn't find the wedding?
Wilson: Pardon me, Tim?
Tim: [normally] If I have such good instincts, how come I couldn't find the wedding?
Wilson: Well, Tim, a map is a little more accurate than your nose. Plus, it's a heck of a lot easier to fold.
Quote from Tim
Jill: I can't take any chances. I have to be there a couple of hours early.
Tim: I think you're forgetting who has the radar-like sense of direction around here.
Jill: Tim?
Tim: Yeah?
Jill: Car is out front.
Tim: Well, the radar doesn't really kick in till you get in the car.