Tim Quote #182
Quote from Tim in Yule Better Watch Out
Fireman #1: You know, Mr. Taylor, It kind of surprised me when I saw that hammer hanging out of your mouth there. I didn't mean to laugh.
Tim: [slurred] That's all right.
Fireman #1: You know, Mr. Taylor, we watch your show all the time. I think it's really great.
Tim: Thanks very much.
Fireman #2: Why didn't you have AI here to help you?
Fireman #1: Yeah. I mean, he's really good on the show. I love that guy.
Tim: Oh, we all love that guy.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Yule Better Watch Out’ Quotes
Quote from Mark
Jill: Actually, honey. I think that those guys at the mall are Santa's helpers, you know. The way that AI is Daddy's helper.
Tim: Right.
Mark: So they do all the work.
Jill: Yeah.
Tim: They assist Santa. Like AI assists me.
Mark: Oh, that makes sense.
Quote from Randy
Randy: OK, fine. Here's the truth. There used to be a Santa Claus. But he died six years ago.
Brad: Yep, you just missed out.
Mark: Santa Claus isn't dead.
Randy: Yes, he is. He had a terrible accident with one of his reindeer. Blitzen fell on him.
Mark: He's really dead?
Brad: Kicked the bucket.
Randy: Bought the dirt farm.
Brad: Six feet under.
Randy: Pushing up the daisies.
Brad: Deader than a doornail.
Randy: Stiff as a board.
Brad: Cold as ice.
Randy: Met his maker.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, who says he doesn't exist, Tim? I believe it was Hamlet who put it best when he said: "There are more things in heaven and earth, good neighbor, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."
Tim: But Brad and Randy already said he was dead.
Wilson: Technically, that's true. He died in the year 342.
Tim: Well, then, who's at the mall?
Wilson: Oh, no, Tim. I'm talking about the original Santa Claus. St Nicholas, the bishop of Myra in Asia Minor. He used to go around to the houses of the poor people, on his donkey, with bags of gold, and drop them down the chimney.
Tim: Why would he drop donkeys down the chimney?
Wilson: I'm talking about the bags of gold, Tim.
Tim: Well, hopefully he can put a remote-controlled dinosaur down my chimney for Mark, because the stores are sold out of them.
Wilson: Well, maybe Santa Claus might bring it to him.
Tim: I thought you said Santa was dead.
Wilson: Ah, but Tim, the spirit of Santa lives on. It lives in all of us. Well, I must get back to my chestnuts roasting on an open fire. [chuckles] You know, that reminds me of a song. On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me A partridge in a pear tree On the second day of Christmas...