Al: It's an emergency! Emergency! Don't panic... Quick! Get a doc! Doctor, emergency! It's a good thing Binford has a paramedic standing by, you know? Right here. Right this way. This way.
Heidi: He fell down the stairs.
[The two paramedics start assessing Tim]
Tim: You might want to look at the guy that's at the bottom of the stairs.

Marge: Okay, Brad. Dr. Brown is gonna come by and give you your X-ray results.
Tim: Okay, now, use some of your weight. Ready, one, two, three, go.
[As Tim and Marge lift Brad up on to the bed, Tim slams Brad's back down against the bed]
Marge: Okay, Brad, if your dad tries to touch anything else, just hit him with this. [hands Brad a reflex hammer]
Brad: Will do.

Tim: Hey, Dr. Brown.
Dr. Brown: I know. Tim Taylor. Thanks to you we have a spanking new CAT scan machine!

Tim: Well, you know, as soon as it heals, it'll be as good as new, right? It will be as good as new, right?
Dr. Brown: Well, it's hard to say. Here. Let me show you. The meniscus, which is right here, is a cartilage disk which acts like a shock absorber for the knee joint.
Tim: I see. It's like going over potholes without your suspension.
Dr. Brown: Yes, Mr. Taylor, it's just like that. Um... There's no way to assess the full extent of the damage until we get inside.

Brad: This is a total nightmare. I mean, with a blown knee, I might never play soccer again. This could ruin my entire scholarship.
Jill: Now, you don't know that.
Tim: No. And if that was eventually the case, we could still pay for your college. And you'd be able to park closer to the school then.

Jill: You don't even know if you're gonna have surgery.
Brad: Yeah, or my career could be over.
Tim: Let's not talk like that.
Jill: No. Wait. Sometimes it's helpful to play out the worst-case scenario.
Brad: All right. So, let's play out the worst-case scenario.
Jill: All right.
Brad: I've blown my knee, my career's over, I never get a job, I spend all my time sitting on the couch, watching TV and picking potato chips out of my cheesy mustache. Yeah, thanks! I feel great!
Jill: That works much better in my Psychology groups.

Wilson: You know, Brad, all I'm saying is, there's a whole world out there for you to explore.
Brad: So, there's gonna be a lot of opportunities for me?
Wilson: Yes, exactly. That's the spirit. Let me ask you something. Aside from soccer, have you thought about what you want to focus on in college?
Brad: Oh, yeah. I think about it all the time.
Wilson: Besides girls?
Brad: Then, no.

Jill: Well, that was quite a night for you.
Tim: Yup. [carries in a cheese bust of himself] Saginaw Cheese's Car Guy of the Year for an unprecedented three years running. And I just can't seem to enjoy it.
Jill: Oh, come on, Tim. They immortalized you in Gouda.
Tim: Yeah, but with Brad so mad at me, this trophy of cheese seems almost meaningless.

Jill: So, you decided to go to the party after all?
Brad: Yeah. What smells so good?
Tim: My head.
Brad: Cool. How'd the banquet go?
Tim: It was great. Three years running, I'm the champ. The Lifetime A-cheese-ment Award, everything. I met Mrs. Cheese, the Muenster twins, everybody was there.

Tim: You sound like you're in a better mood.
Brad: Yeah. I just realized I was blaming you because I was seeking rationality in my universe.
Tim: That's some pretty heavy thinking.
Brad: Well, you know me. I'm very deep.
Jill: You been talking to Wilson?
Brad: Yeah, that, too.