Stu: Hey, Al. Nice beard. Had chili for lunch? [Tim & Stu laugh]
Al: No, I didn't, Stu.
Stu: So, gotta work with this jerk, huh, Al?
Al: Yes, I do, Stu. Well, it was nice meeting you.
Stu: Uh, great sense of humor.
Al: Thank you.
Tim: He's a serious guy, but he knows his way around a shop.

Stu: Whoa. Kill me. Just kill me now. She looks even better in person. Introduce me.
Tim: No.
Stu: Why not?
Tim: Because she's a co-worker, a good friend of mine and you're nothing but dried hog phlegm.
Stu: Watch my move. [to Lisa] Hi, Stu Cutler.
Lisa: Bye, Tim. See you Monday.
Tim: Night, Lise. [to Stu] Ah, boy, it's good to see you still have it, Cutler. She's not your type, man. She can see.

Stu: So, you don't want me to come to your house, is that it?
Tim: No, no. Of course not. You're always welcome at my house.
Stu: Well... Let's go!
Tim: Yeah, why not? Yeah, Jill'll be so surprised to see you.
Stu: I can't wait to see her face.
Tim: Me neither.

Jill: Oh, no. You brought him home?
Tim: Jill, he really misses you. He likes you.
Jill: No, he doesn't. He just likes to make fun of me and crush beer cans on his head.
Tim: Well, they gotta be crushed if we're gonna recycle them. I couldn't get rid of him. I couldn't say no. He'll come over, have a beer and that'll be it.
Jill: Okay, but if he crosses the line. I'm personally gonna throw him out.
Tim: What's "crossing the line"?
Jill: Behavior that would be classified as subhuman.
Tim: Can't you be a little more flexible than that?
Jill: One beer and he is gone.

Stu: God, you look good. Now, you've lost some weight.
Jill: Yeah, I have. Thank you.
Tim: Now there is a very human compliment.
Stu: So, what's the goal? Another ten?
Tim: Ugh.
Stu: Tim, if you hadn't have married Jill, I would have.
Tim: Now there's something to think about, honey.
Jill: Well.., life would sure be different.
Stu: [chuckles] Well, it sure would. Timmy, you'd be visiting us tonight. And Jill would be a satisfied woman.
Tim: Almost done with that beer, Stu?

Stu: Where's my coat?
Jill: Stu, are you leaving?
Stu: Yeah.
Jill: Well, it was so nice to see you. I hope we can do it again.
Stu: Well, let's do it again in 15 minutes. I'm just going to get some beer.
Jill: Beer?
Stu: Be my contribution to dinner.
Jill: Oh, well, thanks.
Stu: Jill, that pile of human vermin is the best friend I ever had.
Jill: Stu, you should write greeting cards.

Jill: I know that we all used to be friends in college and everything, but... do you... like Stu now?
Tim: I know he can be a pain, but we've shared a lot of good times.
Jill: Well, if you just met him today for the first time, do you think you would become friends?
Tim: Yeah.
Jill: Really?
Tim: He's a lot of laughs.
Jill: I guess I just don't get it.
Tim: Well, it's... It's a guy thing.

Tim: If you and Tino and Forshay get crazy, you call a cab, okay?
Stu: Always do. Hey, next time I'm in town, I'll give you a little more warning when I call.
Tim: Do that.
Stu: We'll still get together, hang out, have some laughs.
Tim: Just like the old days, eh?
Stu: Like the old days.
Tim: Hey, man. See ya.

Jill: Wait, this isn't Sound of Music. This is... Bayonet Hell.
Tim & Boys: Yeah!

Tim: It's also very important to remember that doors often change with age. The older a door gets, the more warped it becomes. Sometimes we forget that things change with age. So, remember: check those doors, they might not fit like you remember.
[As Tim slams the wooden door shut, it smashes the storm window]