Dean Cummings: Now we'd like to present this year's honorary doctorate to an alumnus - class of '76. A man who, day in and day out, teaches people that, with the right tools, anything is possible. Let's give a warm Western Michigan University welcome to Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Professor Hankey. Thank you. Ahem. Thank you all. I, uh... Oh, boy. [clears throat] You know, the last time I gave a speech at Western, I was actually in the dean's office. Remember that? Trying to convince her to not kick me out of school. I had those women's underpants on my head. It was frat week. It was a long time ago.
Randy: He's dyin'.
Tim: You know, my dad taught me years ago that a tool in your hands keeps those hands out of trouble. And what this university taught me was that education is perhaps the greatest tool of 'em all. Of course, my first couple years here, I thought a corkscrew was the best tool... But seriously, I want you all to know how much I appreciate this award. I really do. I also want you to know I have nothing but respect for all of you who have put in years of work to earn an advanced degree - one student out there in particular. So here is to higher education. [spills water on the lectern]
Dean Cummings: Let me help you.
Tim: Uh, watch your hand on that.
Dean Cummings: [touches the microphone] Aah!
Tim: I know how she feels, I'll tell you that. But that... That kind of felt good there just at the beginning of that. I've been there. Uh, I suppose you wanna see me in your office.