Tim Quote #1843
Quote from Tim in Doctor in the House
Dean Cummings: Now we'd like to present this year's honorary doctorate to an alumnus - class of '76. A man who, day in and day out, teaches people that, with the right tools, anything is possible. Let's give a warm Western Michigan University welcome to Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor.
Tim: Professor Hankey. Thank you. Ahem. Thank you all. I, uh... Oh, boy. [clears throat] You know, the last time I gave a speech at Western, I was actually in the dean's office. Remember that? Trying to convince her to not kick me out of school. I had those women's underpants on my head. It was frat week. It was a long time ago.
Randy: He's dyin'.
Tim: You know, my dad taught me years ago that a tool in your hands keeps those hands out of trouble. And what this university taught me was that education is perhaps the greatest tool of 'em all. Of course, my first couple years here, I thought a corkscrew was the best tool... But seriously, I want you all to know how much I appreciate this award. I really do. I also want you to know I have nothing but respect for all of you who have put in years of work to earn an advanced degree - one student out there in particular. So here is to higher education. [spills water on the lectern]
Dean Cummings: Let me help you.
Tim: Uh, watch your hand on that.
Dean Cummings: [touches the microphone] Aah!
Tim: I know how she feels, I'll tell you that. But that... That kind of felt good there just at the beginning of that. I've been there. Uh, I suppose you wanna see me in your office.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Doctor in the House’ Quotes
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: A Ph.D.?! Tim? Aw, Jill, Jill, Jill, Jill... Do you realize how many hours I had to study to get my doctorate in forgotten languages and extinct cultures? Oh, my, my, my. Sitting in that library, reading that insufferable microfilm till I thought I would practically go blind? Not to mention that to support myself, I had to volunteer as a subject for lab experiments. Oh, oh. And the thing that really irritates me about this whole thing...
Jill: Wilson!
Wilson: Oh, Jill, Jill, talk me down, talk me down.
Quote from Al
Tim: Todd from Toledo writes, "Dear Tim, when I heard you were getting a Ph.D., three words came to mind - Why not Al?"
Al: Thanks, Todd.
Tim: "He's the one who works his tail off day in, day out. It's time for America to stand up and cheer for Albert Borland, who slaves..." I can't read this, Todd.
Al: Tirelessly.
Tim: How did you know what that said?
Al: I guessed.
Tim: Did you, or is it possible that Albert Borland is Todd from Toledo? [Al hangs his head in shame] How could you stoop to something so dumb?
Al: I don't know. But there's no use reading this letter from Andy from Akron.
Quote from Wilson
Wilson: Well, what can I say here that might put this into perspective for both of us? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. The late senator Dwight Morrow said there are people who do things and people who take the credit. And the trick is to be in the first group, there's a lot less competition.
Jill: I see what you're sayin'.
Wilson: Does that make you feel any better?
Jill: Not at all.
Wilson: Me, neither. On the other hand, it is a great honor for Tim, and I guess we have to put our negative feelings aside and just find a way to cheer him on.
Jill: Well, I know. I mean, he should be allowed to enjoy this. I should be more supportive.
Wilson: And if the university is giving him a Ph.D., they must feel he is a worthy recipient.
[Tim bounces on a Pogo stick in the living room]
Jill: Obviously they know something we don't.