Tim: The point is, today, how do you get rid of that tattletale squeak?
Al: Well, first you have to determine if you have a squeak... [wood squeaks] a creak... [wood creaks] or a groan... [Tim moans with pleasure] because each one of those will require a different repair.
Tim: Right, Al. Now, Larry, you wanna bring the camera in here. Normally, a squeak is caused by wood rubbing against a loose nail.
Al: Now, if you have your squeak between the joists, what you wanna do is add a bridge.
Tim: Right. Now... older homes, like older people, tend to groan. That's because there's a sag and weakening between the beam and the joist. "Oh, my aching beam. I got such a pain in the joist, you shouldn't know!"
Al: Our older viewers will wanna write Tim at "Tool Time, P.O. Box 32733..." Now, if you have a creak - which happens when two boards rub against each other - we have an old carpenter's remedy.
Tim: Right. Take an old squeezable ketchup bottle, fill it with talcum powder.
Al: Now, you wanna direct the talc between the boards, give it a good healthy squeeze. [Tim coats Al's face in talc] You know, I don't think many people know, but on weekends Al does mime at the mall. Look at these apples, Al.