Tim Quote #1021
Quote from Tim in Slip Sleddin' Away
Tim: The point is, today, how do you get rid of that tattletale squeak?
Al: Well, first you have to determine if you have a squeak... [wood squeaks] a creak... [wood creaks] or a groan... [Tim moans with pleasure] because each one of those will require a different repair.
Tim: Right, Al. Now, Larry, you wanna bring the camera in here. Normally, a squeak is caused by wood rubbing against a loose nail.
Al: Now, if you have your squeak between the joists, what you wanna do is add a bridge.
Tim: Right. Now... older homes, like older people, tend to groan. That's because there's a sag and weakening between the beam and the joist. "Oh, my aching beam. I got such a pain in the joist, you shouldn't know!"
Al: Our older viewers will wanna write Tim at "Tool Time, P.O. Box 32733..." Now, if you have a creak - which happens when two boards rub against each other - we have an old carpenter's remedy.
Tim: Right. Take an old squeezable ketchup bottle, fill it with talcum powder.
Al: Now, you wanna direct the talc between the boards, give it a good healthy squeeze. [Tim coats Al's face in talc] You know, I don't think many people know, but on weekends Al does mime at the mall. Look at these apples, Al.
Home Improvement Quotes
‘Slip Sleddin' Away’ Quotes
Quote from Tim
Tim: I'm gonna run you down to the emergency room, get an x-ray for you, write a note to Mom.
Randy: Dad, I don't need to go to the emergency room.
Tim: [chuckles] That's what I usually tell Al.
Randy: Well, how does he get you to go?
Tim: I don't know. I'm usually passed out by then.
Quote from Tim
Tim: Don't worry. They'll take real good care of you here.
Randy: Is this the emergency room you come to all the time?
Tim: I don't come here all the time.
Delivery Guy: Hey, Tool Man.
Tim: Hey, buddy.
Marge: Hi, Mr. Taylor.
Buzz: Hey, Tim.
Tim: Hey, Buzz. How are those little girls...? Chanel and Cher, right?
Buzz: Good. Real good.
Tim: Hey, Laurie.
Randy: You're better known here than you are at Sears.
Quote from Jill
Jill: Brad, where's your saxophone? You have a lesson in 20 minutes.
Brad: Mom, why do I have to keep taking these stupid lessons?
Jill: Brad, sit down.
Brad: Is this gonna be another one of those "When I was a little girl" stories?
Jill: No. Will you just listen? [long pause] When I was a little person about your age... I had to take flute lessons for five years, and it wasn't always fun, but I was really glad that I stuck to it.
Brad: Why? It's not like you ever play the flute now.
Jill: Well, that's true, but I take great joy in knowing that I could if I wanted to. Besides, if you get really good at it, we could have mother/son jam sessions.
Brad: There's a dream come true.