Tim: Hi, Wilson.
Wilson: Hi-ho, Tim. You know, I just saw a repair truck pull away. You got problems?
Tim: No. Jill called a repairman to fix the stove and the ice dispenser.
Wilson: Mm. Mm-hm.
Tim: Hey, I could've fixed both of them, but I just found out about the ice dispenser.
Wilson: Oh, really? I thought you had mentioned that faulty ice dispenser to me three weeks ago.
Tim: Gee whiz, Wilson, you don't have to jump all over me.
Wilson: Well, I'm sorry, Tim.

Tim: The repairman didn't even fix the stove. I got him kind of sidetracked on the hot rod. Lot of good that did. I still can't start the thing.
Wilson: Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
Tim: Jill said I was being irresponsible.
Wilson: I see.
Tim: I'm not irresponsible. I do a lot of chores around here. I help raise the kids. I even cook dinner sometimes. You know, I never get credit for that stuff.
Jill: Why should you?
Tim: Argh!
Jill: All that stuff you're supposed to do anyway.
Tim: Don't sneak up on me, please.

Tim: Well, it took a while, but these babies are sharp. Why, you could cut a lamb so close, it'd have to join the Hair Club for Sheep. "I'm not just a sheep, I'm also the president."
Al: I don't know, Tim. That was pretty baa-d.

Tim: How you doing, hon?
Jill: [grunts] What we have here is a Binford series Z, dual spring action, circulating, rotating doorknob.
Tim: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Jill: This bad boy can turn to the left, turn to the right and open without falling off.
Tim: Good job. Good job.
Randy: Nice going, Mom.
Jill: Thank you, I did it all myself.
Brad: She did it pretty well, Dad.
Tim: She did. Maintaining a home is teamwork. I help your mom, she helps me. That's how we get the chores done.

Jill: Did you get the ice dispenser fixed?
Tim: I not only fixed it, I made an improvement.
Jill: Boys, stand back. Tim, this is my vacuum cleaner hose.
Tim: Not right now. I cleaned it out and now it's Tim Taylor's party tube. Puffy, Muffy. Can I freshen that drink? [chuckles] And maybe my young son wants to get a drink at the couch. Go long, Brad. [Tim fires an ice cube across the room into the cup]
Brad: Yes!

[outtake:]
Gus: Hi, I'm Gus.
Tim: Hey, Gus. Tim Taylor. Can I get you anything?
Gus: You got a cold beer?
Tim: Cold ones are way in the back. It'll take me a minute.
[As Tim walks into the refrigerator and closes the door, Gus looks at the camera]
Gus: He's... He's...
Jill: He's getting a beer?
Gus: He's getting me a beer.
Jill: He always takes a really long time to do this.
[Jill walks into the refrigerator and returns with a beer bottle]
Jill: Here you go.
Gus: Thank you very much.
Jill: And here's the pipe cleaners.
Gus: Yeah. OK. [Tim walks out of the refrigerator]
Tim: How long has that Jell-O been in there?
Jill: A long time.
Tim: OK.