Tim: It stinks, Wilson.
Wilson: Well, Tim, you can't expect a compost heap to smell like fine perfume.
Tim: No, I'm referring to the situation with that weasel Davidson. It's a lose-lose situation. I either promote a tool that I don't believe in, or I risk losing my job?!
Wilson: Mm-hm-hm-hm-hm! That is quite a pickle.
Tim: You're right, Wilson. It's a real predicament.
Wilson: No, Tim, I was referring to the big dill between the coffee grounds and the eggshells.

Tim: I'd have to go back to selling tools and be on the road for 30 weeks.
Jill: And the downside would be?
Tim: You'd miss me.
Jill: Until Jake the pool boy dropped by.
Tim: We don't have a pool.
Jill: We'd get one.
Tim: Maybe I'll just stay home.
Jill: Well, see, that'd be OK, too. Since I'd be the major breadwinner, you'd have to stay home and do the laundry and the cooking and the shopping, cleaning...
Tim: 30 weeks isn't that long.
Jill: Well, I have two very interesting options, you see. Because, on the one hand, you would stay home and do the laundry. And on the other hand, I would get the pool guy. [Tim sobs] Oh, honey! I'd never trade you for anybody. Unless I could get a pool boy who did the laundry.

Jill: All right, I'm behind you - whatever you decide to do.
Tim: Even if I lose my job and I've gotta go back on selling tools on the road?
Jill: I won't see you, but I'll be behind you.
Tim: That's why I love you. And you don't think I'm crazy?
Jill: That's a separate issue.

Tim: Good show tonight, Al.
Al: You think so? You insulted me 17 times.
Tim: You're right. Great show!

Wes Davidson: So how are my friends at Tool Time?
Tim: Beats me. I don't think you have any.
Wes Davidson: You know, Tim, you're as funny now as when we first started selling tools.
Tim: I remember that. You know, Wes here was Binford's best number-two tool salesman. Boy, I can't remember the guy's name that was number one. Who was the number-one salesman?
Wes Davidson: It was you, Tim.
Tim: Was it me?
Wes Davidson: But we all know who's number one now, don't we?
Al: Yes, we do, Mr. President.

Wes Davidson: Anyway... we just finished the prototype for a new reciprocating saw.
Tim: I didn't know we were developing one.
Wes Davidson: You didn't know I'd be your boss one day either. Gentlemen, the Binford 6100, with state-of-the-art electronic feedback control.
Tim: [grunts] Oh, I love that in a saw!
Al: Boy. Look how thin she is. And she's light. And look at this, there's a pistol grip.
Tim: Down, boy!

Jill: Honey, if you tell him that this is a bad tool, he may not want you to promote it.
Tim: You think so?
Jill: Yeah. You should go talk to him.
Tim: Maybe you're right.
Jill: I'm always right.
Tim: Why is that?
Jill: 'Cause I'm so smart.
Tim: If you're so smart, Mrs. Magna Cum Lately, why don't you help me put it back together.
Jill: Absolutely not. See, I'm getting smarter all the time.

Laura: Well, here we are. Have a seat. Mr. Davidson will be with you shortly.
Tim: Thanks, Laura.
Laura: Oh, by the way, Al, all of us here at Binford love you.
Tim: Well, I bet we both have a lot of fans around here.
Laura: Well, like I said, Mr. Davidson will be with you shortly.

Al: Why did we have to come here? You know I'm not good at confronting superiors.
Tim: Al, you got to speak up. If a kiss-up like you has a complaint, he'll take it seriously.

Tim: The whole thing is cheesy and lightweight.
Wes Davidson: Well, Tim, we feel that the lighter weight parts make it easier to use. Particularly for the ladies.
Tim: The ladies? Yeah, my wife was just remarking the other night, "When are they gonna make a reciprocating saw for me? "Something small you can put in a cocktail purse. Or maybe hang it like a pendant. Maybe some drop earrings out of it."