Penelope: Frasier? Where's your father off to?
Frasier: He, he had to take more pills.
Penelope: My goodness, I had no idea he was on so much medication. Are you concerned?
Frasier: Well, not really, no. He'll be fine. I just wish I could same the same for our old high school.
William: What are you three taking about?
Niles: William, there you are. Excuse us. I just wanted to alert you to a possible situation. I overheard one of the servers discussing a one-act play he wanted your mother to produce.
William: Okay, which one?
Niles: I think it was something by Chekhov.

Niles: Do you have any idea who that was?
Martin: Yeah, she said her name was Penelope "John Veer" or "Jeen Veeair" or something.
Frasier: Janvier, Dad. "Jean", "Jean". Oh, it doesn't matter.
Martin: Well it does to me. I wanna say her name right if we're having dinner tomorrow.
Frasier: You didn't ask her out, did you Dad?
Martin: No, she asked me out.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry, Dad, it's just that I'm a little shocked.
Martin: Actually, I think that's pronounced "Sorry, Dad, I'm a condescending jackass."

Penelope: If I let you leave without knowing if you're sick, I'll worry all night.
Frasier: And you wouldn't want that, now would you, Dad? Here we are.
Martin: All right, all right.
Frasier: Doctor, be thorough.
Martin: But the pants stay on.