Niles Quote #566
Niles: Oh, Frasier, I'm not surprised he's hiding behind lawyers. What other behavior would you expect... from a chicken?
Harvey: What did you say?
Niles: I was speaking to my brother. [stands] But, to put it in language you can understand, [clucking].
Frasier: Nile. This is no time for you to assert yourself.
Harvey: Hey, your brother's making trouble here...
Niles: Oh, oh, oh. What are you gonna do? Flap me with one of your big fluffy wings?
Frasier: Niles, stop it. Please excuse him.
Niles: Oh, for god's sake, Frasier don't waste your breath on this hairy, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte who's probably the only male in existence who suffers from penis envy!
Quote from Niles
Niles: It made me think just once I'd like to experience what you felt, go nose to nose.
Martin: Oh, your day will come, son.
Niles: I don't know. I tried it this morning with my dry cleaner, Mr. Kim. I decided to give him a good tongue-lashing because he'd shattered the mother-of-pearl buttons on my best waistcoat. Unfortunately, due to his tenuous grasp of English and the fact that his mother's name is Pearl, I was forced to flee his establishment amid a shower of coat hangers.
Quote from Niles
Niles: I know exactly how you feel. This morning, I discovered a ding in the door of my car.
Frasier: Let me guess. No note on the windshield?
Niles: No. And even worse, after I'd left the car off at the body shop, the rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I believe they call a Hunchback.
Frasier: No. I think that would be a hatchback, Niles.
Niles: It's painted panic-button red, with a large rear window that pops open.
Frasier: Oh, that would be the hatchback.
Niles: Well, there's a novel idea: name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a toss-up between "Hatchback" and "What's that odor coming from the floor?"
Quote from To Tell the Truth
Niles: Well, that's it. It's over. It's over and I've lost. Maris has won. Maris always wins.
Niles: Niles never wins! Niles always loses! That's why Niles lives at the Shangri-La and drives a hatchback!
Quote from Frasier Grinch
Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry, if Frederick's anything like me, the kind of toys he'll like to play with are... A kitchen set, a dollhouse and three kinds of Barbies. Oh, good God. This is for a Franklin Crane from Kennebunkport. Oh, God, do you realize what this means?
Niles: Yes. The Cranes of Maine have got your Living Brain.