Niles Quote #561

Quote from Niles in High Crane Drifter

Niles: I know exactly how you feel. This morning, I discovered a ding in the door of my car.
Frasier: Let me guess. No note on the windshield?
Niles: No. And even worse, after I'd left the car off at the body shop, the rental agency didn't have a single luxury car left. They stuck me with some vehicle I believe they call a Hunchback.
Frasier: No. I think that would be a hatchback, Niles.
Niles: It's painted panic-button red, with a large rear window that pops open.
Frasier: Oh, that would be the hatchback.
Niles: Well, there's a novel idea: name the car after its most hideous feature. I presume it was a toss-up between "Hatchback" and "What's that odor coming from the floor?"


 ‘High Crane Drifter’ Quotes

Quote from Niles

Niles: Oh, Frasier, I'm not surprised he's hiding behind lawyers. What other behavior would you expect... from a chicken?
Harvey: What did you say?
Niles: I was speaking to my brother. [stands] But, to put it in language you can understand, [clucking].
Frasier: Nile. This is no time for you to assert yourself.
Harvey: Hey, your brother's making trouble here...
Niles: Oh, oh, oh. What are you gonna do? Flap me with one of your big fluffy wings?
Frasier: Niles, stop it. Please excuse him.
Niles: Oh, for god's sake, Frasier don't waste your breath on this hairy, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing troglodyte who's probably the only male in existence who suffers from penis envy!

Quote from Niles

Niles: It made me think just once I'd like to experience what you felt, go nose to nose.
Martin: Oh, your day will come, son.
Niles: I don't know. I tried it this morning with my dry cleaner, Mr. Kim. I decided to give him a good tongue-lashing because he'd shattered the mother-of-pearl buttons on my best waistcoat. Unfortunately, due to his tenuous grasp of English and the fact that his mother's name is Pearl, I was forced to flee his establishment amid a shower of coat hangers.

Quote from Niles

Harvey:You look here, buddy...
[Harvey pokes Niles on the shoulder with his finger. Niles crashes back, spinning around, knocking over two chairs and the coat rack. As he spins away from the door, he falls back on a table and lands on the floor.]
Frasier: Niles! Niles, are you all right?!
Niles: [leaning into Frasier and whispering] Counter suit.
Frasier: Oh, my God! Nobody move him!
Harvey: I barely touched him!
Frasier: Then you admit you touched him! He admits it! [Niles groans]Oh, Niles. Niles, I'm here for you. I promise
we're going to get you the best care that that this man's money can buy! My god, Niles, that was brilliant. You even got a tear in your eye!
Niles: I landed on a fork.