[Frasier is covered in an array of tiny, blood-soaked spots of toilet paper]
Martin: Jeez, I thought you were just going to slit your wrists. It looks like you went for "death of a thousand cuts."
Frasier: I cut myself because I was shaving without water. And why was there no water? Because I had to move your chair, which gouged the floor, which made me call for Joe, who found bad pipes, which called for Cecil, who ate the cat that killed the rat that lived in the house that Frasier built!

Daphne: How is it those same taste buds can't tell the difference between my pot roast and my flank steak?
Frasier: Considering you learned to cook in England, it's a wonder I can tell your flank steak from a braised tennis ball.

Joe: Where's the scratch?
Martin: Oh, you mean you didn't see it? We were going to put some orange cones around it so nobody would fall in it.