Frasier: Do you have any idea what he's saying?
Niles: Not a word. Apparently Stephen was dropped as a child.
Frasier: Well, I thought the mumbler was Michael.
Niles: He was dropped on Michael.

Niles: The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy!
Frasier: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there too.
Niles: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money.

Niles: That is why I am taking action. I was going to wait to do this until tonight, but I can see that every minute is critical.
Frasier: What's this?
Niles: This is called "The Born Musician." You put this speaker on the mother's stomach, and it bombards the baby with classical music, thus instilling a taste for higher culture.
Frasier: Huh. Closest thing we had to that was Dad bongo-ing out "Babalu" on Mom's belly.

Daphne: Niles, look what Stephen just gave me. You know who'll be jealous? Mrs. Zicklin from our building. Doesn't she have one just like this?
Niles: No, I don't think she does.

Martin: Wow, what do you know?
Ronee: Yeah, leave it to the Duke and Duchess to save our behinds.
Martin: Yeah.
Frasier: I'm sorry, leave it to whom?
Ronee: What, they don't know about that one?
Martin: Just keep walking.
[Martin and Ronee exit]
Frasier & Niles: Well, obviously, you're the duchess.

Roz: You have got to let these people in.
Frasier: Yes, Roz, I'm sorry. I know it's warm...
Roz: No, it's not the heat. That truck that just crashed was full of cattle.
Frasier: Well, the sound of gentle mooing in the background might lend a pastoral effect.
Roz: Cattle, Frasier. Large, un-diapered cattle that just heard a cannon go off.

Daphne: They are a handful, my brothers. I can just imagine the hell they're raising back there.
Niles: With an open bar?
Daphne: [gasps] Oh, my God, my water just broke. The baby's coming!
Niles: Because I said "open bar"?

Frasier: Hello? Niles?
Martin: Boy, some day, huh? Getting married and meeting my grandson all in the same afternoon.
[Niles walks out of the examination room, tenderly cradling a monkey in his arms]
Niles: Hey, you guys. You're just in time, come on in.
Martin: [to a gaping Frasier] Don't stare. You were no prize at that age either.

Martin: Well, I'm game. Get cracking, Fras!
Frasier: You know, I'd better, uh, condense this just a bit. [browsing through his cue cards] No, I don't need that... and I don't need that. All right. Ah. "It was the great thinker Horace Walpole..."
Martin: Don't need that.

Frasier: I'll just cut to the chase here. Do you, Martin Crane take Ronee Lawrence to be your lawfully wedded wife, forsaking all others, until death do you part?
Martin: I do.
Frasier: Do you, Ronee Lawrence, take Martin Crane...?
Ronee: I do.
Daphne: Oh, I'm tearing up.
Frasier: You know, if they'd let me say what I planned to, you'd be bawling your eyes out right now. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife.