Roz: [to Frasier] I don't trust that greedy, finger-licking runt as far as I can throw him.
Gil: I say, Roz, how am I doing so far?
Roz: Fabulous!

Frasier: Oh, I guess you're right. It's probably a bad idea. Doing my show requires a set of abilities that you just don't possess. You have to be able to size up your patients very quickly, and then dispense your advice in an entertaining and insightful manner.
Niles: Frasier, this pathetic attempt at reverse psychology is beneath you.
Frasier: Then you're not going to do my show?
Niles: No, I am going to do your show, and I'm going to do it better than you ever dreamed of doing it.

Niles: [on the radio] But before we get into the specifics of your problem, why don't I give you a little historical background? The psychiatrist Sigmar Bromnoh - that's B-R-O-M-N-O-H - inthe late 1950s, wrote extensively on the problem you are facing. Which is all the more amazing when you realize that Bromnoh was a prominent Reichian-
Frasier: [gleefully] Listen to him. He's terrible!

Roz: Your temperature's up to one hundred and three.
Frasier: Oh, it could go up to a hundred and five, I couldn't be better. My timeslot is safe. Niles is as dry as this
toast you brought me with the crust still on. I'm sure when I'm ready to go back, they'll send a limo.
Daphne: Well, I'll just go get you another drink. Was that last straw bendy enough?
Frasier: Perfect, thank you. [Daphne starts to leave] Oh, Daphne. Daphne, look. Here, take these tissues away. I- They hurt my nose. I want that kind with the little moisturizer droplet between the sheets. And the rose petals in the humidifier, I think they're starting to wilt.

Daphne: Oh, of course. Anything you like. Fresh rose petals, crust-less toast, soft tissues... Acupuncture needles where you least expect them.

Martin: Hey, Niles is pretty good.
Frasier: Good? Good?! The little rat is scintillating. Oh, why couldn't he just do what's expected of him for once and stink?!

Daphne: You know, being a health-care provider, I try to be sympathetic towards my patients. But I have reached the end of my tether with you, Doctor! You are by far the most ungrateful, disagreeable, self-centered, whiny fusspot I've ever had the misfortune of dealing with! I've had patients on their deathbeds who were more considerate, and a damn sight more jolly too! As far as I'm concerned, you can lay in those sweaty sheets until you're one giant bedsore!

Frasier: Who is this?
Janice: "I'm Janice."
Frasier: Well, Janice, what's your problem?
Janice: "Well, I'm having a problem breaking through a barrier with my in-laws."
Frasier: Boring!

Niles: Don't you worry your little mucous-filled head about anything. Everything's under control.

Daphne: You know, you might try some of my homeopathic tea. It'll flush out your system, and it'll also make your hair more shiny and manageable.