Frasier: Niles!
Niles: I'm sorry, Frasier, but something horrible has happened. Maris kicked me out.
Frasier: Dear God, why? What for?
[Niles takes off his raincoat to reveal a pirate costume]
Frasier: Oh, my.
Martin: What's going on out there? Niles?
Niles: Hello, dad.
Martin: [staring at Niles] Never mind, I don't want to know.
Niles: No, Dad, wait. There's a perfectly reasonably explanation for the way I'm dressed.
Frasier: All right, but just keep in mind that I reserve the right to say "stop" at any time.
Niles: Well, my plan was to leave a treasure map downstairs for Maris with clues that would lead her to my whereabouts. Then I'd hide in the linen closet and wait for her to find me.
Martin: Dressed like that?
Niles: Actually, no, at the time I was wearing only my eye-patch. Although, technically is it still an eye-patch if you're wearing it on your-?
Frasier: Stop!