TV Quotes

Debra: Amy, are you all right?
Amy: I'm great! I'm on my way over here to drive you guys to the airport for your romantic getaway. Of course, I'm able to do that on a Friday night because Gianni and I broke up.
Debra: Oh really? Yeah?
Ray: Oh man. That's tough. Should we get goin'?
Amy: Here's the thing, I kinda had to abandon my car in this 50-foot snowdrift, then walk 20 blocks to get here.
Ruined my new shoes, got frostbite on my pinky toe, and... Oh! Right before my car battery died, the guy on the radio said - here's the part you'll care about - the airport's closed.
Ray: Oh, no!
Debra: Oh, no!
Amy: Yes. So I lost my car, my shoes, not to mention my boyfriend, for nothing. And I'll die alone with nine toes.

Ray: Robert's weird. He doesn't like to go out to eat because he has a fear of busboys. He can't carry his dollar bills facing each other because it would be like they're kissing.
Debra: That's just quirky.
Ray: Yeah? Quirky? He separates his Good 'n Plenties into "goods" and "plenties." Which one is which again?
Robert: Never mind.
Ray: No, no, go ahead. Go ahead.
Robert: The pinks are the "goods," and the whites are the "plenties." 'Cause there's always more of them. And they're not as good. And then there's a third category of "irregulars."
Ray: And they're called...
Robert: "Cuties."
Ray: I rest my case.

Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much! But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.

Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!