‘Frank, the Writer’
Season 1, Episode 6 - Aired October 18, 1996
Frank tries his hand at being a writer after getting a joke published in the Readers' Digest.
Quote from Ray
Ray: Listen, I'm gonna be hiding for the next few months, okay? So if my father comes by looking, you don't know where I am.
Debra: What?
Ray: Listen, you got to run interference for me, okay? I'd do the same with your parents.
Debra: My parents live in Connecticut.
Ray: I'm willing to go. As matter of fact, he'd never find me in Connecticut.
Quote from Ray
Debra: You know, Ray, I think you should let your editor take a look at that.
Ray: Why? So everyone at work loses respect for me? And then I get fired, right, and you can go back to work, and I stay with the kids. Oh, no, no. I'm not falling for that, Delilah.
Debra: No, you take his name off of it, and then you submit it to your editor. And then he gives you some honest feedback which you can pass on to your father and all of this will end.
Ray: Hey, that's not bad. That's not bad. My editor is gonna hate this. I'm doing it. I'm gonna do that.
Debra: Good.
Ray: Tell me the story again about the parents that live all the way in Connecticut.
Debra: Once upon a time...
Ray: Slower. Slower.
Debra: Once upon a time...
Ray: Louder and funnier.
Quote from Frank
Ray: I'm sorry, Dad.
Frank: No, no, no. It's okay.
Ray: Look, you know what, you can't trust what this guy says. What does he know? He's an oddball, that guy. So what if you're not in the paper, you're in the Digest.
Frank: Amateurish!
Ray: Twenty-seven million people in 19 languages. People are reading this in Germany and Japan as we speak, Dad. Come on, huh? Nobody reads newspapers.
Frank: You know, I was feeling so good. Now I don't know.
Ray: Dad, the Digest. Send it in to the Digest.
Frank: I did! They didn't like it either. That's why I tried your stupid paper!
Quote from Ray
Ray: Well, come on, you just can't give up, Dad. Come on. You still got all those Roy stories in there. Come on! What about Everyman? What happened to the Everyman? You got all those opinions, they're just fermenting in there. You got to let them out, Dad, or you're gonna explode.
Frank: You know something, you're right. I've got opinions.
Ray: That's right.
Frank: Now, who can I share them with?
Ray: Well, come on, there's always-
Frank: My family!
Ray: I was thinking guys at the lodge and people at bus stops and clerks.