Marie: Oh, dear. I knew you were having suitcase problems, but I didn't think it had gotten this bad.
Debra: How did you know about our suitcase problem?
Marie: Come with me. I want to show you something.
Debra: Did- Did Frank tell you about this?
Marie: Frank? You didn't think I'd notice a suitcase sitting there for 23 and a half days?

Ray: I'm movin' it! I'm the one movin' it, everybody. Look at me!
Debra: I'm still holding it.
Ray: It doesn't matter who's holding it. It matters who's moving it. [Robert enters] You think you're gonna hold it over me?
Robert: How's the suitcase thing goin'?
Ray: What do you want?
Robert: Oh, I was gonna see if I can borrow that, but the airline won't let me carry on all three of you.

Robert: Hey, that's a nice suitcase. Can I borrow that when I go on my honeymoon?
Ray: Yeah. Fine. I'm sure the thing will still be sittin' there.
Robert: What do you mean?
Ray: Remember when Debra and I went to Connecticut for the weekend?
Robert: Sure, Raymond. I remember every one of your comings and goings. You're my whole life.
Ray: You want to hear about it or not?
Robert: Sadly, yes.

Ray: That suitcase has been sittin' there for three weeks and...
Frank: Nobody wants to be the one to move it. I gotcha.
Ray: But the thing is, I gotta pack now, so I'm gonna be the one who has to move the suitcase.
Frank: Why don't you take another suitcase?
Ray: No! Can't leave that one sittin' there. It'll be too obvious that I did it on purpose.
Frank: Well, that's good. Deb should know how you feel. I'm a great believer in letting people know what's going on in here.
Ray: Yeah, and every other part of your body. You know, I don't want to get in a fight over a suitcase right before I have to go. I'll just do it.
Frank: Hey, listen to me. This is not about a suitcase. This is about who wears the pants in the family. Now, whose idea was it to bring it in the first place? Hers, right?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah. Then I was stuck luggin' it around all weekend.
Frank: If you move that suitcase, you might as well put on a dress and change your name to Daisy Mae Tinklepants.

Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: What? Just packin' a soda for the road. Problem?
Debra: That's how you're getting on the airplane?
Ray: Yeah. I'm travelin' light, I'm travelin' loose.
Debra: What are you, a hobo? Why don't you take the suitcase?
Ray: What suitcase?
Debra: You know what suitcase.
Ray: Are you referring to the suitcase that you haven't moved in three weeks? Is that the suitcase to which you are referring?

Debra: Why couldn't you move it?
Ray: Why couldn't you move it?
Debra: All right, you are not going to the airport with a grocery bag. Take the suitcase!
Ray: You know what? I don't need it.
Debra: Okay, you know what?
[Debra splits Ray's bag and then storms off upstairs]
Ray: Okay, you know what? Oh! Yeah, good. Good! Real mature! I don't care. I don't care. Thanks to the good people at Waldbaum's, I got a complete set of luggage right here. All the luggage I need right here. Waterproof, beautiful luggage. Right here, all the luggage.
[Ray goes into the fridge and takes out the Roquefort cheese. He walks over to the suitcase, opens a side pocket and stuffs the cheese inside]
Ray: See ya in a couple of days!

Marie: No, they were a wedding present. Frank and I wanted to return them the minute we opened the box.
Debra: You don't like the big fork and spoon?
Marie: We hate the big fork and spoon.
Debra: But they're like a fixture of the house, the big fork and spoon.
Marie: They're horrible. Look at them. They're completely without nuance.

Marie: All right, Frank. Today's the day. The big fork and spoon are coming down, because I've been able to rise above 45 years of petinesses.
[When Marie removes the fork and spoon from the hooks, the wallpaper is noticeably less faded where the big cutlery hung. Marie hangs them back up.]
Marie: This is all your fault! [exits]
Frank: When did we get those?

Robert: Hey, what's up?
Ray: Want some cheese?
Robert: What is all that?
Ray: I helped some guy get a job at the paper, so he gave me, like, a cheese sampler.
Robert: You've done nothing but eat cheese all day.
Ray: I can't stop.

Ray: So? What do ya think?
Robert: This is insane!
Ray: I know! What's her problem?
Robert: No, the both of you. You've had a two-week fight over a suitcase.
Ray: Well, it's not really a fight. You know, I mean, everything's the same. We eat, we sleep, we watch TV, play with the kids. Everything's fine. But the one who moves that suitcase will not be me.
Robert: You are a baby.
Ray: I am not a baby. Give me back my cheese.