Chris Quote #513
Quote from Chris in Everybody Hates My Man
Thurman: I have here Mr. Dickerson's essay, in which he received a grade of "B." But I'm not so sure he actually wrote this paper.
Chris: Why not?
Thurman: Walter, who was in World War I?
Walter Dickerson: Um, Earth and Jupiter.
Thurman: Now you see why I'm not sure?
Chris: Maybe he forgot.
Thurman: Forgot? Really? Forgot what? Forgot who was in World War I, or forgot to not sign your name on his paper, hmm? Or not do the whole thing in your handwriting? The two of you, huh? You insult my intelligence. Maybe if I was blind, you could turn this paper in and say that he wrote it, but I'm not blind. Hmm? Do I look blind? Hmm? Do I have black sunglasses and a piano?!
Adult Chris: [v.o.] Actually, he did.
[fantasy: Mr. Thurman playing and singing Tutti Frutti]
Everybody Hates Chris Quotes
‘Everybody Hates My Man’ Quotes
Quote from Julius
Drew: I don't know how you can stand being around all those dead people.
Julius: I love it. It makes you realize that life is short. Anything can happen at any time. A toilet could fall out of the sky and crush you. A bus door could clamp on your neck and choke you. A poisonous lizard could escape from the zoo and bite you. You could fall off a bridge and drown. [3 hours later] And you could trip and fall in front of a power mower and be decapitated. [1:00 a.m.] [on the phone] You could be smoking a cigarette and blow up while siphoning 65 cents worth of glass. And you could eat some bad coleslaw and get diarrhea and die of dehydration. [the next morning] You could step in a puddle and be electrocuted by a downed wire. You could blow your nose and startle a cat with rabies...
Rochelle: Okay, okay, we get it! We can die at any time, and you're happy!
Julius: That's right.
Quote from Mr. Omar
Julius: Well, what's the job?
Mr. Omar: Well, my assistant died today.
Julius: Oh, no. What happened?
Mr. Omar: Well, he went to a dollar theater to watch the movie Airplane, when ironically, a chemical toilet fell out of an airplane, crashed through the roof and crushed him. Tragic. Tragic!
Quote from Julius
Rochelle: What's going on with you?
Julius: What are you talking about?
Rochelle: You're singing and dancing and willing to pay for finger waves and earrings?
Tonya: Are you leaving us for a White woman?
Julius: No. It's just being at this new job, I'm with dead people everywhere I go. It just makes me feel like I need to appreciate life a little more. Oh, this is good! What is this, baby?
Rochelle: Vegetables.
Julius: You kids try this? Chris, pass me the big piece of carrot.