Nick Tortelli Quote #20
Diane: Oh, Nick Tortelli, this is someone with whom you have absolutely nothing in common, my paramour, Dr. Frasier Crane.
Nick Tortelli: Uh, doctor of what? Can you get any pills?
Frasier: I'm a psychiatrist. Uh, have we met? You wouldn't by any chance be the bogus missing link exhibited at the Amsterdam World's Fair?
Nick Tortelli: No, but you're not the first person who asked me. I wish I had done something like that. Maybe my life would be worth something.
Quote from Sam
Norm: Sammy, when's the Coach gonna get back from visiting his sister?
Sam: Uh, he'll be in Minnesota at least another week.
Cliff: Is his sister anything, you know, like the Coach?
Sam: Let me put it this way. He asked her to pick him up at the airport. She thought he meant the Boston airport so she drove all the way here to pick him up. Fortunately, that's what he meant. They had lunch at the airport. Then they drove on to St. Paul.
Cliff: Wait. Uh, I thought she lived in Duluth, there.
Sam: She does, but they don't like the food at the airport in Duluth. You know, actually, Coach will probably be back before I could explain this to you.
Quote from Cliff
Nick Tortelli: Well, she ran out on me. You see, she always wanted to be a singer. She got an offer from this big musical group that's touring the country. The Grinning Americans.
Frasier: The grinning what?
Cliff: Well, they're a group of wholesome young people, who wear, you know, pullover sweaters, sing patriotic songs. You know, they've had me and Ma marching around the living room on more than one Sunday afternoon, I can tell you.
Frasier: Cliff. You live with your mother, Cliff?
Cliff: I have my own room. I have my own hot plate. You want to read something sicko into that?
Quote from Loathe and Marriage
Nick Tortelli: Don't worry about it, Sam. I'll handle it. Carla, at times, can be very obdurate. She also can be very recalcitrant, intransigent and immovable.
Loretta: Nicky got one of those word-a-day calendars. We played word games all the way from Las Vegas. I'm insipid.
Quote from If Ever I Would Leave You
Carla: Nick, I want you back. I want to give you another chance to take care of me and the kids.
Nick Tortelli: Oh, Carla, you've made me the happiest man on Earth. Let's go to White Castle and celebrate! I knew I'd get you back if I kept scrubbing and mopping and cleaning the ashtrays and believing.
Nick Tortelli: But I've got to tell you, that last test was the hardest.
Carla: Test, Nick?
Nick Tortelli: Yeah, the way you actually got Loretta to come here and do what she did. I don't know how you did it.
Carla: It wasn't a test, Nick.
Nick Tortelli: It wasn't?
Nick Tortelli: Uh, she really wants me back?
Carla: That's right.
Nick Tortelli: Oh. Well, good. I'm glad to see that you're above that sort of thing. It's you and me... forever.
Carla: Really, Nick? I can't believe it. I- [Nick clutches his chest] Nick? What's the matter?
Nick Tortelli: I don't know. Something weird, Carla. I can't control my body. Uh, I don't know what's going on. Uh, I'm going to find a cure for this, if it kills me. Uh... Goodbye, Carla. I love you. Loretta!