Woody: Mr. Clavin, it's the Parker House. They want to know if you want the Embassy Court or the Grand Ballroom.
Cliff: Give me that! Give me that phone! [takes the phone] Fraternity prank. [hangs up] What, are you nuts, Woody? I can't afford a party. Parties are for rich people. I'm poor. I've always been poor. I'll always be poor. I'm gonna die poor!
Woody: I'd like to resign as entertainment chairman.
Sam: Listen, I don't know how to say this to you without offending you, but you're behaving like a class-A jerk.
Cliff: Oh, am l? Well, what have I got to celebrate?
Sam: Well, for one thing, your mother's met a very nice man who's making her very happy.
Cliff: And?
Sam: Cliff!