Maeby: Look. Here's my advice. Okay? You go to Rebel's, you take my bag of lacy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys, and sex knobs with you. And you act like you're expecting a booty call, as the old people think the young people say. All right? You tell her, "I'm just here for a quickie, and I'm out of here." Mr. Brash. And she'll drop you like a buttered cane.
George Michael: Is that something old people say?
Maeby: Yeah. I'm trying to get it going.
George Michael: That's cool.

Stan Sitwell: I'd like to see that paperwork.
Maeby: Yes. Well, I recently moved here from New Orleans, and I...
Narrator: Narrator: Maeby was proud of this lie.
Maeby: ...lost all my personal paperwork in Hurricane Cantina.
Stan Sitwell: Ooh. That's complicated.
Maeby: Yes. It is. Unless I'm expected to lose a home for the second time. Of course, I could just pack up my shorty shorts, my silky pajamas, my peekaboo bras, my ticklers, sex knobs, and lacy hoo-has and hit the road.
Stan Sitwell: I can't ask you to do that.

Maeby: You would've had to lie about scuba, 'cause you would've been scared.
George Michael: Why do you say I'm scared of scuba? I'm not.
Maeby: You passed out at the aquarium.
George Michael: Well, they make you feel like you're underwater with all these giant...
Maeby: Dolphins?
George Michael: I still think that was some kind of smiling, kind of bemused baby shark.