George Sr.: You got to get me out of here.
Michael: You're the one that said no to prison.
George Sr.: I was wrong. There, you just have it to shut your eyes and take it. Here, you have shut your eyes and give it. Now, listen, we can't go in there and plead "not guilty". We have to have someone big behind us, our own private Matlock. So I made calls and I got him.
Michael: Got who?
George Sr.: Andy Griffith. What, you never saw Matlock?
Michael: Not a real attorney, Dad.
George Sr.: Now, for ten grand, he'll actually sit behind us in court and read the paper. For 15, he'll actually sit at the defense table. For $20,000, he'll twice lean forward and whisper something in your ear. Oh. White suit, that's extra.
Michael: Boy, that's an awful lot of money for the stupidest idea I've ever heard.
George Sr.: The juries love him.

Michael: I knew you wouldn't have the gut to go through with the divorce.
Lindsay: You're one to talk. You haven't had a serious relationship since your wife. And you guys, weren't even speaking toward the end.
Michael: Lot of that was the coma.
Lindsay: Yeah, I've heard your side of it.

Buster: Mother, have you seen my rubber hand?
Lucille: Oh, it's in the dishwasher. Your father and I were using it for something.
Buster: Oh, for God's sake. Can't you keep my hand to yourself?!