Lucille: Don't you judge me. You're the selfish one. You're the one who charged his own brother for a Bluth frozen banana. I mean, it's one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?
Michael: You've never actually set foot in a supermarket, have you?

Lindsay: I have to get ready for the bachelorette auction.
Michael: The bachelorette auction? You know you're married.
Lindsay: You just go to dinner with the guy. It's for charity.
Michael: That's what you said about posing for the Ladies of Literacy Calendar. The one with the pictures of all the 30-year-old women in lingerie with their nipples covered by copies of Oliver Twist. Yeah, that made a big difference for the young ones.
Lindsay: Well, it would have if it didn't get banned from the schools.

Michael: Come on, face it. You do all this charity crap just to stroke your ego. You don't even know what the auction's for tonight.
Lindsay: The wetlands.
Michael: To do what with them?
Lindsay: Dry them.
Michael: Save them.
Lindsay: From drying.