TV Quotes

Tobias: First of all, I love it. Quick question though. Am I panicked about the fire, or am I being brave for everyone else?
Casting Director: The fire? It's- It's a fire sale.
Tobias: Oh. Oh. Okay, I didn't, um... Well, let's give it a shot. [wails] Oh, my God! We're having a fire... sale. Oh, the burning! It burns me! Evacuate all the schoolchildren! [screams] [sings] Amaaa.... [shouts] This isn't a fever! [sings] zing grace... [shouts] I can't even see where the knob is! [sighs] And scene.
Casting Director: Um... Would you like to try that a little simpler maybe?
Tobias: No.

Lucille: Luz, that coat cost more than your house! [to Michael] Oh, that's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house.

Maeby: Look. Here's my advice. Okay? You go to Rebel's, you take my bag of lacy ticklers, hoo-ha bras, dog toys, and sex knobs with you. And you act like you're expecting a booty call, as the old people think the young people say. All right? You tell her, "I'm just here for a quickie, and I'm out of here." Mr. Brash. And she'll drop you like a buttered cane.
George Michael: Is that something old people say?
Maeby: Yeah. I'm trying to get it going.
George Michael: That's cool.

George Michael: Oh, no, it's my Dad. I'm supposed to be at work.
Maeby: You know, George Michael, you worry too much. It's Sunday. You're allowed to have a couple of hours off. You don't see me nervous about being on my third Virgin Mary.
George Michael: Why would you be nervous? There's no alcohol in a Virgin Mary.
Maeby: There isn't? This is unbelievable. Can I get a virgin pina colada when you get a chance? Now we'll get things started.