George Michael: You know, Maeby and I were cool with each other. And you must miss your wife. It's practically still your anniversary.
Tobias: Fourteen years of lies. Yes, I'm the doctor. The perfect husband. The big manly man. The big strong daddy. Do you know the last time that I made love to my wife?
George Michael: No.
Tobias: I'll tell you when.
George Michael: No, don't.
Tobias: See, nothing has ever been easy for us. I mean, the only reason she went out with me was to piss off her boyfriend. The only reason she ever married me was to piss off her mother. And then, of course, we couldn't conceive. So there was that famous ordeal.
George Michael: Wh- What do you mean you couldn't conceive? [phone rings] Was Maeby adopted? What? Is she not really related to me? Is she just some girl I know?