Dick Quote #1047
Quote from Dick in Dick and Taxes
Dick: Oh, hello, Mary. I was just thinking about how long I've known you. Ten long years.
Mary: It's more like three years.
Dick: Well, then you'd be comfortable saying seven long years?
Mary: No, it's three years, Dick.
Dick: So I can safely quote you as saying that you've known me for six good, verifiable years, then?
Mary: Three.
Dick: Fair enough. But you are quite familiar with what I was doing in the three years prior to that?
Mary: Are you kidding me? You never told me anything about your life before you started working here. You hem, you haw, you rush in, you rush out. Oh, let's not forget the spontaneous laryngitis.
Dick: That was going around.
3rd Rock from the Sun Quotes
‘Dick and Taxes’ Quotes
Quote from Dick
Dick: We can lie on our taxes.
Tommy: I can't believe that no human has ever thought of this before.
Sally: Okay, wait a second, you guys. What if we get caught?
Dick: How can we get caught? All those other dopes out there are telling the truth about their taxes. They're just going to assume that we are, too.
Tommy: Hey, check this out. You can get a deduction for having a home business.
Dick: Really? Then it's a good thing that you run one here, Sally.
Sally: Yes, Dick, it sure is.
Quote from Harry
Dick: All right. Form 1040. First name: Dick. Last name: Solomon. And Mary said this would be complicated.
Sally: Dick, this is so boring. Why are we doing it?
Dick: Because, Sally, this is what humans do. It's like their national pastime. And you don't want us to stand out.
Harry: Hey. You know what would be funny? Where it says sex, write "frequently."
Sally: That's a good one, Harry!
Tommy: That is funny.
Dick: They don't ask for your sex here.
Harry: Well, if there's anyplace you can indicate that you like to have frequent sex, I think it's worth doing.
Quote from Dick
Dick: Oh, that's it Mary. Crunch those numbers. Crunch 'em good.
Mary: So you subtract line 64 from 56-
Dick: Yes, now deduct my pants.
Mary: Dick, I think you're gonna want to keep your pants on.
Dick: Why is that?
Mary: Because you're about to lose your shirt.
Dick: And so are you.
Mary: You owe $9,500!
Dick: What?! You bitch!
Mary: You didn't pay any taxes. What did you expect?
Dick: Well, I certainly didn't expect my girlfriend to wear my ass as a snowshoe!