Don: Hamlet? The story is as old as time. Pretty-boy son has a rich daddy and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy, and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story, but there it is.
Tommy: Isn't that the plot to The Lion King?
Dick: Oh, please!

Sally: Oh, Don, Don. Why should the name "Don" make Dick so angry?
Don: Sally.
Sally: Who's there?
Don: I would tell you, but my name is so offensive to your family I dare not speak it aloud.
Sally: Don, if they found you, there's no telling what they'd do to you.
Don: I'm okay. I have night's cloak to hide me from their eyes. And if thou love me, let them find me here. My life were better ended by their hate, than death prolonged wanting of thy love.
Sally: Wow, that's so romantic.
Don: Ah, well, I wrote it myself.

Dick: Nina, Nina, read me in.
Nina: Curtain rises. A big pompous blowhard flounces onto the stage.