Tommy: Commander, permission to speak freely?
Dick: Granted.
Tommy: As the oldest member of this crew, I feel it's my duty to inform you all that this planet both wipes and sucks, in that order.
Dick: What is your problem?
Tommy: Something's wrong. My transfer's not holding. I'm growing hair, and my armpits smell, and there's a constant circus in my pants.
Dick: Aw, our old man is becoming a boy.
Tommy: No, I'm serious. The seal's broken, and I'm losing oil. Look at this. [removes baseball cap to reveal a large pimple]
Harry: Ooh! What is it?
Dick: It's a nipple.
Tommy: What am I going to do about it?
Dick: I don't know, but until we figure it out, you should sleep in the shower.