Eleanor Quote #165

Quote from Eleanor in Existential Crisis

Michael: Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. How does anyone do anything... when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?
Eleanor: It's pretty easy, man. I mean, you learn about death when you're a kid, and it's just not that big of a deal.
[flashback:]
Donna: Eleanor, baby, I have some sad news. Your doggie, Max, has passed away. Do you know what that means? [Young Eleanor shakes her head] Well, sometimes when a dog is very old, like, five or six or something, he crosses a long rainbow bridge, and at the end of that bridge is a beautiful farm with lots of grass and trees and, I don't know, wagons and a rainbow. I already said "rainbow." The point is: that's where Max is.
Young Eleanor: Can we visit him at the farm?
Donna: Nope, because it's very far away... in... Guam. It's in Guam.
Young Eleanor: Can we at least...
Donna: Okay, look. I'm lying, okay? You caught me. Congratulations. The farm is made up. The bridge is made up. There's no such place as Guam. Your dog, Max, is dead in a duffel bag under the deck.
Young Eleanor: How did he die?
Donna: The short answer is: I don't know. And the slightly longer answer is: I didn't know how hot it gets in cars sometimes. The point is: don't be sad. Honestly, I'll get kind of annoyed if you do get sad because it's been a very long day and that bitch Carol from work was really on my ass about some stupid thing that I don't even know what it was. And at the end of that long day, I had to use one of my favorite duffle bags to do something very gross that I did not like. Now, let's celebrate that dead dog's life by bringing Mommy another bottle of white.

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 ‘Existential Crisis’ Quotes

Quote from Michael

Michael: So that's their plan.
Jason: This doesn't seem so bad.
Michael: Yeah. It really tucks my nuggets. I worked so hard on my torture ideas, and theirs are so basic. These millennials, they have no work ethic. Oh, sorry, a millennial is someone who has only been torturing people for a thousand years. Millennial.

Quote from Tahani

Tahani: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply "did myself".

Quote from Eleanor

Eleanor: I don't know if what I'm going to say is going to hurt or help, but screw it. Do you know what's really happening right now? You're learning what it's like to be human. All humans are aware of death. So we're all a little bit sad... all the time. That's just the deal.
Michael: Sounds like a crappy deal.
Eleanor: Well, yeah. It is. But we don't get offered any other ones. And if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. I've been there. And everybody's been there. So don't fight it. In the words of a very wise Bed, Bath, and Beyond employee I once knew... "Go ahead and cry all you want. But you're going to have to pay for that toilet plunger."