Michael Quote #114
Quote from Michael in Team Cockroach
Michael: We should have a few hours to ourselves. Vicky's working on her performance for the welcome party tonight.
Eleanor: It looks like pretending to enjoy her singing is gonna be half our job here.
Michael: I got her to tell me how she was gonna torture you at the party, which is basically the same way I did. Eleanor gets drunk, hogs all the shrimp, insults people, et cetera. Whatever bad stuff you do becomes the basis for the chaos tomorrow morning.
Eleanor: Okay, okay. So my job is to get drunk and insult people. I think I can hack that.
Michael: Now, Chidi, I'm gonna need you to act nervous and embarrassed by Eleanor.
Chidi: Way ahead of you.
Michael: Tahani, just be your fabulous self. And Jason, you're good old silent Jianyu the monk. [Jason gives a thumbs up] So I told Vicky that I would handle the surveillance on the four of you. That'll let us meet each day for Chidi's ethics lessons, which will apparently include me. Even though that's transparently insane.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Team Cockroach’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: If you're not human, why do you look like us?
Michael: Everyone in the Bad Place Bureau of Human Affairs gets randomly assigned a human body so we can get the feel of how best to torture you. I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to the hanging bits.
Eleanor: Gross.
Michael: Oh, get your mind out of the gutter, Eleanor. I was talking about my testicles.
Quote from Tahani
Chidi: Anyone have any ideas?
Tahani: You know, believe it or not, I actually found myself in a very similar situation a few years ago, except in that instance, Michael was Javier Bardem and the Bad Place was Vanessa Redgrave's panic room.
Eleanor: Okay, stop talking. Do not talk again for 100 hours.
Quote from Jason
Eleanor: What do we do?
Jason: We team up with Michael.
Eleanor: Okay, hot take, but I like your confidence. Tell me why.
Jason: He has a bow tie.
Eleanor: Oh, no.
Jason: I always trust dudes in bow ties. Once, this guy in a bow tie came up to me at the gun range in a Jacksonville bus station and said he'd give me $600 if I put these weird turtles in my duffle bag and brought them to Daytona Beach. So I hotwired a swamp boat to Daytona and the guy paid me the $600. My point is, you always trust dudes in bow ties.
[Eleanor slaps the lollipop out of Jason's mouth]