Michael Quote #4
Quote from Michael in Everything is Fine
Michael: [on video] [chuckles] Ah. Hello, everyone. And welcome to your first day in the afterlife. You were all, simply put, good people. But how do we know that you were good? How are we sure? During your time on Earth, every one of your actions had a positive or a negative value, depending on how much good or bad that action put into the universe. Every sandwich you ate, every time you bought a magazine, every single thing you did had an effect that rippled out over time and ultimately created some amount of good or bad. You know how some people pull into the breakdown lane when there's traffic? And they think to themselves, "Ah, who cares? No one's watching." We were watching. Surprise. [audience laughs] Anyway, when your time on Earth has ended, we calculate the total value of your life using our perfectly accurate measuring system. Only the people with the very highest scores, the true cream of the crop, get to come here, to the Good Place. What happens to everyone else, you ask? Don't worry about it. The point is, you are here because you lived one of the very best lives that could be lived. And you won't be alone. Your true soul mate is here too. That's right. Soul mates are real. One of the other people in your neighborhood is your actual soul mate, and you will spend eternity together. So welcome to eternal happiness. Welcome to the Good Place. Sponsored by: otters holding hands while they sleep. You know the way you feel when you see a picture of two otters holding hands? That's how you're gonna feel every day.
The Good Place Quotes
‘Everything is Fine’ Quotes
Quote from Michael
Eleanor: Um, so who was right? I mean about all of this?
Michael: Well, let's see. Hindus are a little bit right, Muslims a little bit. Jews, Christians, Buddhists, every religion guessed about 5%, except for Doug Forcett.
Eleanor: Who... who's Doug Forcett?
Michael: Well, Doug was a stoner kid who lived in Calgary during the 1970s. One night, he got really high on mushrooms, and his best friend, Randy, said, "Hey, what do you think happens after we die?" And Doug just launched into this long monologue where he got like 92% correct. [chuckles] I mean, we couldn't believe what we were hearing. That's him, actually, right up there. He's pretty famous around here. I'm very lucky to have that. [chuckles]
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Are you sure this isn't you?
Eleanor: Yeah, man, I'm pretty sure I wasn't a death row lawyer who collected clown paintings and rescued orphans. They got my name right, but nothing else. I mean, somebody royally forked up. Somebody forked up. Why can't I say "fork"?
Chidi: If you're trying to curse, you can't here. I guess a lot of people in this neighborhood don't like it, so it's prohibited.
Eleanor: That's bullshirt.
Quote from Eleanor
Chidi: Eleanor. I have spent my entire life in pursuit of fundamental truths about the universe. And now we can actually learn about them together as soul mates. It's overwhelming.
Eleanor: Chidi. You'll stand by my side no matter what, right?
Chidi: Of course I will.
Eleanor: Promise me. Say, "I promise I will never betray you for any reason."
Chidi: Eleanor, I swear that I will never say or do anything to cause you any harm.
Eleanor: Good. Because those aren't my memories. I wasn't a lawyer. I never went to the Ukraine. I hate clowns. There's been a big mistake. I'm not supposed to be here.
Chidi: Wait, what?