Michael: You have to admit, it's very odd that no one has gotten into the Good Place for 500 years.
Chuck: Well, there have been dips before. Remember, like, 200,000 years ago, when they invented stabbing, and they were all just, like, stabbing each other?
Michael: Again, I urge you to look at Doug Forcett. The man has lived a selfless life, and he's not even close to getting in. The only explanation is that the Bad Place has somehow rigged the system.
Meg: I wouldn't put it past them. Every single Bad Place employee is a disgusting monster.
Michael: Well, some of 'em are probably cool, handsome, man-about-town types.
Paula: Committee, Michael the Accountant has brought us evidence of a problem, and now it is up to us to find a solution.
Meg: While you wait, Kellen will stand by you, showering you with compliments.
Kellen: Great job, Michael. You are such a good speaker. This suit is very flattering. You have a lot of gravitas.
Michael: I thought I was gonna be annoyed by this, but it's... it's wonderful.
Kellen: Your jawline is extraordinary. You're a nice height. Your energy is electric.