Neil: So this is the main feed. Every action by every human on Earth is recorded and then sent here to be assigned a point value based on the absolute moral worth of that action. For example, a couple in Osaka, Japan, just decided to have a destination wedding. Negative 1,200 points. Oh, and it's a destination theme wedding. Negative 4,300. The theme's Lord of the Rings. They're basically doomed. [computer beeps] Ah, here's one. This means that someone has just done something which has never been done before.
Michael: "Richard Moore of Sugarland, Texas, hollowed out an eggplant and filled it with hot sauce and nickels."
Neil: And amazingly, it's not a weird sex thing. 99% of all new human behaviors are weird sex things. But not in this... Oh, no, it is a weird sex thing, yeah. Well, then we zip that over to the relevant departments. In this case, Anastasia in the Stuffed Vegetable Department. We've got Hector over in American Coins, and my dear buddy, Matt, in Weird Sex Things.
Matt: I'm still waiting on a response to the request I filed for immediate suicide.
Neil: Request denied. I love Matty. He's hilarious.
Michael: So, they now examine the action, its use of resources, the intentions behind it, its effects on others.
Neil: Correct. And you end up with this. And here is why tampering is impossible. Because this score is then double-checked by 3 billion other accountants, all chosen at random, and if they all come to the same conclusion, which they always do, it makes this official. Anyone who does this same action in the exact same way loses this many points.