Will Quote #840
Quote from Will in Ain't No Business Like Show Business
Keith: Hey, girl! Why don't you stand up and wrap your arms around a real man? [she scoffs] Okay, well, check it out, check it out, check it out. I got four words for you. Ho-li-day Inn. Come on, girl, you know you want to.
Will: Excuse me, miss, is this abrasive Negro bothering you?
Shawna: Yes, as a matter of fact, he is.
Will: Allow me. [grabs Keith] Now, you look here, buddy. You have no business bothering this sweet young lady. Now you apologize and don't make me take off my belt.
Keith: Okay, not the belt, man. Not the belt, man. I'll be cool. All right, look, I'm sorry, okay?
Will: Now, you get out of her face, now! Look, miss, I'd just like to apologize on behalf of my gender for his rude behavior.
Shawna: That's okay.
Will: No, it's not. He had no reason to act like that. I'm sorry.
Shawna: It's okay.
Will: Look, could I call you sometime?
Shawna: Yeah. [hands Will his card] Call me.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Quotes
‘Ain't No Business Like Show Business’ Quotes
Quote from Philip
Will: Uncle Phil, I don't think "comedian" is a bad word.
Philip: It is in this house. I just spent thousands of dollars sending you to a topnotch prep school. Maybe I should have just sent you to Camp Funnypants.
Will: Look, I bet Sinbad's parents supported him when he wanted to be a comedian.
Philip: They named him Sinbad! He had two options: Pirate or comic.
Quote from Carlton
Will: Well, I guess I'm up next, guys.
Carlton: Will, I took the liberty of writing out a few humorous barbs that you might find useful. Listen and laugh. Did you hear what the snail said when he rode on the back of the turtle?
Will: No, Carlton, what?
Carlton: Whee! Now, you should use that one for your big finish. No, maybe you should try this one. Why did the turkey cross the road?
Hilary: I know I'm going to regret this, but why?
Carlton: Chicken's day off. [laughs] Eat your heart out, Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, I'm giving you gold here.
Will: See, Carlton, this is why people trip you in the halls.
Quote from Will
Keith: Man, I don't care about this game. I'm going up to my room, get ready for my big act tomorrow.
Will: All you got to do is stand up there and tell a couple jokes.
Keith: Telling jokes? See, that's what your drunk Uncle Lou do at weddings. Me, I'm a professional.
Will: Whoa, whoa, hold up, hold up. First of all, Uncle Lou is not a drunk, okay? He has an inner ear problem. That's why he always be sliding out of his chair. And, second of all, anybody can get up on a stage and tell a couple jokes.
Keith: Why you go and say something silly like that? There's a craft to this, man. I take this real seriously.
Will: Oh, please. Look, I been funny all my life.
Keith: All your life you just been funny-Iooking. I mean, look at them big old ears. Lean over that way and tell me what's going on in Somalia.
Will: Well, if I couldn't find my way to Somalia, I could follow that big map on your head.
Keith: Look at them big teeth, all big and spaced out. What you floss with, a jump rope?