Will: You know, Dee Dee I never thought I'd have you in bed on the first night.
Dee Dee: Well, I can honestly say this is the first time I've ever done this.
Man: [on TV] This clever device is probably...
Philip: I can't believe we didn't get in on that abdominizer.
Vivian: Well, that's because you couldn't decide between the chocolate gavel and the picture of the dogs playing poker.
Geoffrey: Will you two be quiet? I'm trying to hear the musical toilet seat.
Carlton: It's 12:01. Thank God this day is over. I look like I escaped from the '70s. I've spent the whole night with two guys who consider picking their faces a hobby, and I got a flat tire on the way home. I just want to sit down and pretend this never happened. And if one more thing happens to me, I'm gonna kill myself. [the bed collapses]