Newman Quote #110

Quote from Newman in The Butter Shave

Kramer: Look at me! I'm all covered in oregano and Parmesan, and it's sticking to me because of the butter! Look at me!
Newman: Here. Hold this.
Kramer: What is this, parsley?

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 ‘The Butter Shave’ Quotes

Quote from George

Jerry: You got the job?
George: Jerry, it's fantastic. I love the people over there. They treat me so great. You know, they think I'm handicapped. They gave me this incredible office, a great view.
Jerry: Hold on. They think you're handicapped?
George: Yeah, yeah. Well, because of the cane. You should see the bathroom they gave me!
Jerry: How can you do this?
George: Jerry, let's face it, I've always been handicapped. I'm just now getting the recognition for it. Name one thing I have that puts me in a position of advantage, huh? There was a guy that worked at the Yankees, no arms! He got more work done than I did, made more money. He had a wife, a family, drove a better car than I did.
Jerry: He drove a car with no arms?
George: All, right I made up the part about the car, but the rest is true. He hated me anyway!
Jerry: Do you know how hard it's getting just to tell people I know you?
George: I love that bathroom. It's got that high, high toilet. I feel like a gargoyle perched on the ledge of a building.

Quote from Kramer

Jerry: Kramer!
Kramer: Oh, man. I think I cooked myself.
Jerry: Look at your skin.
Kramer: Oh, stick a fork in me, Jerry. I'm done.

 Newman Quotes

Quote from The Old Man

George: Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?
Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.
George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: Sometimes.
Jerry: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more, and you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's Publisher's Clearing House day!

Quote from The Finale

Newman: Hello, Jerry.
Jerry: Hello, Newman. What gives?
Newman: I was speaking earlier with Kramer and he mentioned something about a private jet to Paris?
Jerry: Yeah, that's right.
Newman: Well, I hear it's quite beautiful there this time of year, and of course you know I'm one-quarter French.
Jerry: Really?
Newman: Oh, yes. In fact, I still have family there. This probably won't interest you, but I have a cousin there who's suffering very badly. She's lost all use of her muscles. She can only communicate by blinking. I would so love to see her, bring a ray of sunshine into her tragic life. But alas, I can't afford it, for I am, as you know, but a simple postal worker.
Jerry: That's a shame.
Newman: Take me! Take me!
Jerry: Oh, forget it. Pull yourself together. You're making me sick. Be a man!
Newman: All right! But hear me and hear me well. The day will come. Oh, yes. Mark my words, Seinfeld. Your day of reckoning is coming. When an evil wind will blow through your little play world, and wipe that smug smile off your face. And I'll be there, in all my glory, watching. Watching as it all comes crumbling down. [evil laugh]