Jerry Quote #1412
Quote from Jerry in The Bottle Deposit
Tony: Thanks for coming in, Jerry.
Jerry: Sure.
Tony: I think I know what's going on here, and I just wanna hear it from you. But I want you to be straight with me. Don't lie to me, Jerry. You know that motor oil you're putting in there? It's from one of those Quicky-Lube places, isn't it?
Jerry: Well, I change it so often, I mean to come all the way down here...
Tony: Jerry, motor oil is the lifeblood of a car. Okay, you put in a low-grade oil, you could damage vital engine parts. Okay. See this gasket? I have no confidence in that gasket.
Jerry: I really want to...
Tony: Here's what I wanna do. I want to overhaul the entire engine. But it's gonna take a major commitment from you. You're gonna have to keep it under sixty miles an hour for a while. You gotta come in, and you gotta get the oil changed every thousand miles.
Jerry: How much money is this gonna cost me?
Tony: [scoffs] I don't understand you. It's your own car we're talking about. You know, you wrote the wrong mileage down on the form? You barely know the car. You don't know the mileage, you don't know the tire pressure. When was the last time you even checked the washer fluid?
Jerry: The washer fluid is fine.
Tony: The washer fluid is not fine!
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Bottle Deposit’ Quotes
Quote from Newman
Newman: It's the truck, Kramer. The truck!
Kramer: Look, Newman, I told you to let this thing go.
Newman: No, no, no, no no. Listen to me. Most days, the post office sends one truckload of mail to the second domestic regional sorting facility in Saginaw, Michigan.
Kramer: Uh-huh.
Newman: But, on the week before holidays, we see a surge. On Valentine's Day, we send two trucks. On Christmas, four, packed to the brim. And tomorrow, if history is any guide, will see some spillover into a fifth truck.
Kramer: Mother's Day.
Newman: The mother of all mail days. And guess who signed up for the truck.
Kramer: A free truck? Oh boy, that completely changes our cost structure. Our G and A goes down fifty percent.
Newman: We carry a couple of bags of mail, and the rest is ours!
Kramer: Newman, you magnificent bastard, you did it!
Newman: Let the collecting begin!
Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner
Mr. Steinbrenner: Let me ask you something, George. You having any personal problems at home? Girl trouble, love trouble of any kind?
George: No, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: What about drugs? You doing some of that crack cocaine? You on the pipe?
George: No, sir.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Because I got a flash for you young man, you're non compos mentis! You got some bats in the belfry!
Quote from Mr. Steinbrenner
George: What are you talking about?
Mr. Steinbrenner: George, I've read this report. It's very troubling. Very troubling indeed. It's a sick mind at work here.
[Two medical orderlies enter Mr. Steinbrenner's office behind George]
Mr. Steinbrenner: Okay, come on boys. Come on in here. George, this is Herb and Dan. They're gonna take you away to a nice place where you can get some help. They're very friendly people there. My brother-in-law was there for a couple of weeks. The man was obsessed with lactating women. They completely cured him, although he still eats a lot of cheese. [the orderlies grab George]
George: But you see- You see, I didn't write that report. That, that's not mine.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Of course you didn't, George. Of course you didn't write it. [they start to drag George out]
George: I didn't do it! It..It just got done. I don't know how it got done, but it did.
Mr. Steinbrenner: Of course. Of course it got done. Things get done all the time, I understand. [as George disappears] Don't worry, your job'll be waiting for you when you get back. Get better, George. Get better!