Elaine Quote #256
Quote from Elaine in The Old Man
Jerry: Come on Elaine, it's just a goiter.
Elaine: I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't look the woman in the face. I mean I keep thinking that that goiter's gonna start talking to me! You'd think they'd mention that before they send you over there: "Oh, by the way, this woman almost has a second head.". But no, no, I didn't get any goiter information.
Jerry: They really should mention that in the breakdown: height, weight, goiter.
Elaine: You know, you try to do some good. You want to be a good person but this is too much to ask.
Jerry: Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, I'd rather talk to a goiter with a nice disposition than the nut they sent me to.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Old Man’ Quotes
Quote from Newman
George: Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living, Newman?
Newman: I'm a United States postal worker.
George: Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
Newman: Sometimes.
Jerry: Why is that?
Newman: Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up. It's relentless. Every day it piles up more and more and more, and you gotta get it out but the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in. And then the bar code reader breaks and it's Publisher's Clearing House day!
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: To me, the thing about old people is that they get smaller. You know, their bodies get smaller. They move into smaller places. They sleep less time. They eat smaller meals. Except the car. The older they get, the bigger their car gets. I've never understood that. And old people have a way of backing out of the driveway. You know what I mean? They don't turn from side to side. They just go, "I'm old. I've been waiting a long time. I'm backing it out." You know? "I'm coming back. Watch out, buddy, I'm coming.", you know. And you've gotta watch out for them. And then once they get out there, they drive so slowly. And I would think the less time you have in life, the faster you would want to go. You know, I think old people should be allowed to drive their age. If you're eighty, do eighty. If you're a hundred, go a hundred. I mean, they can't see where they're going anyway. Let them have a little fun out there.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: The life expectancy is now 72, I think, for men. 75 or 76 or something for women. It's amazing to think that just a couple of thousands of years ago, life expectancy was 30. Which, in our terms, would mean that you get your driver's license around 5, you'd marry at 9, divorced at 15. In your late teens, you move down to Florida. I guess that's how spring break got started. I don't know. And then, eventually, people are saying things about you like, "Well, it's amazing. He's 28, but he's still very alert. His mind is so sharp you'd think you were talking to a two-year-old."