Jerry Quote #259
Quote from Jerry in The Library
Kramer: What's the problem?
Jerry: This you're not going to believe. The New York Public Library says that I took out Tropic of Cancer in 1971 and never returned it.
Kramer: Do you know how much that comes to? That's a nickel a day for 20 years. It's going to be $50,000
Jerry: It doesn't work like that.
Kramer: Well, if it's a dime a day it could be $100,000
Jerry: It's not going to be anything. I returned the book. I remember it very vividly because I was with Sherry Becker. She wore this orange dress. It was the first time I ever saw her in a dress like that. In noticed since ninth grade she was developing this body in secret under these loose clothes for, like, two years. And then one day... That orange dress is burned in my memory
Kramer: Oh, memory burn.
Jerry: I wonder what ever happened to her.
Kramer: How did they ever find you?
Jerry: Oh, computers. They're cracking down now on overdue books. The whole thing is completely ridiculous.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Library’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: What's amazing to me about the library is that here's a place where you go in, you can take out any book you want, they just give it to you and say bring it back when you're done. It reminds me of, like, this pathetic friend that everybody had when they were a little kid who would let you borrow any of his stuff if you would just be his friend, you know. That's what the library is. A government-funded pathetic friend. And that's why everybody kind of bullies the library. I'll bring it back on time, I'll bring it back late. Oh, what are you going to do? Charge me a nickel?
Quote from Jerry
Jerry: Oh, I'm glad you're here, so we can get this all straightened out. Would you like a cup of tea?
Lt. Bookman: You got any coffee?
Jerry: Coffee?
Lt. Bookman: Yeah, coffee.
Jerry: No, I don't drink coffee.
Lt. Bookman: Yeah, you don't drink coffee? How about instant coffee?
Jerry: No, I don't have-
Lt. Bookman: You don't have any instant coffee?
Jerry: Well, I don't normally-
Lt. Bookman: Who doesn't have instant coffee?
Jerry: I don't.
Lt. Bookman: You buy a jar of Folger's Crystals, you put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. Then later on when you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried crystals.
Jerry: Really? I'll have to remember that.
Quote from Elaine
Elaine: Boys are sick.
Jerry: Well, what do girls do?
Elaine: We just tease some one 'til they develop an eating disorder.