Jerry Quote #13
Quote from Jerry in The Seinfeld Chronicles
[stand-up:]
Jerry: I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit, I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little... Everything they do is subtle. Men are not subtle. We are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it! It's the only thing we know for sure. It really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far. The car horn honk. Is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks. [imitates horn] This man is out of ideas. How does it...? [imitates horn again] "I don't think she likes me"... The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we? Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women? Many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. "Where ever women are, we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene." That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here. We are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better.
Seinfeld Quotes
‘The Seinfeld Chronicles’ Quotes
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: You know, why we're here? To be out. This is out. And out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People, did you ever hear people talking about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about. This whole thing. We're all out now, no one is home. Not one person here is home, we're all out! There are people tryin' to find us, they don't know where we are. "Did you ring? I can't find him." "Where did he go?" "He didn't tell me where he was going". He must have gone out. You wanna go out. You get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation. Then you stand around, what do you do? You go: "We gotta be getting back". Once you're out, you wanna get back. You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go.
Quote from Jerry
[stand-up:]
Jerry: "Laundry-day" is the only exciting day in the live of clothes. It is. No, think about it, the washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. You know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening, they're all kind a dancing around in there. Shirt grabs the underwear, "C'mon babe, let's go". You come by, you open up the lid and they all... Socks are the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives. They're in the shoes with stinky feet, the boring drawers. The dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They do escape from the dryer. They plan in it the hamper the night before. "Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm going. You wait here." The dryer door swings open, the sock is waiting up against the side wall. He hopes you don't see him. Then off he goes, down the road. [hums] They get buttons sowed on their face, join the puppet show. So they're showing me on television the detergent for getting out blood stains. Is this a violent image to anybody? Blood stains? I mean, I, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood-stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now. Maybe you ought to get the harpoon out your chest first.
Quote from Jerry
George: Listen, your stuff has to be done by now. Why don't you just see if it's dried?
Jerry: No, no, no. Don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working. It knows what it's doing, just let it finish.
George: You're gonna "overdry" it.
Jerry: You, you can't "overdry".
George: Why not?
Jerry: Same as you can't "overwet". You see, once something is wet, it's wet. Same thing with death. Like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you. You're not gonna die again. You're already dead. You can't "overdie", you can't "overdry".