Jerry Quote #1070

Quote from Jerry in The Mom & Pop Store

[stand-up:]
Jerry: Car names are so stupid, aren't they? Like, no baron has ever owned a LeBaron. Or the Ford LTD. "LTD." Limited. It's a "limited" edition. What did they make, fifty million of those? "Yes, it's 'limited' to the number we can sell." Or when they try and mangle a positive word into a car name, you know how they'll do that? The "Integra." Oh, integrity? No, Integra. The "Supra." Or the "Impreza." Yeah? Well, I hope it's not a "lemona"... or you'll be hearing from my "lawya."

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 ‘The Mom & Pop Store’ Quotes

Quote from Kramer

Kramer: Jerry, you know that shoe repair place at the end of the block? Well, if they don't get some business, they're gonna have to shut down and make way for one of those gourmet coffee or cookie stores.
Elaine: I like coffee.
George: I like [imitates Kramer] "cookies."
Kramer: Yeah, of course you do. And do you know why? Because you're a bunch of yuppies. It's your go-go corporate takeover lifestyles that are driving out these Mom and Pop stores and destroying the fabric of this neighborhood.
George: Well, what's so great about a Mom and Pop store? Let me tell you something. If my Mom and Pop ran a store, I wouldn't shop there.
Kramer: Hey, Bogambo. They've been in the neighborhood for 48 years.

Quote from George

Jerry: I thought Consumer said Volvo was the car.
George: What Consumer? I'm the consumer.
Jerry: All right. Seems like a strange choice.
George: Well, maybe so. But it was good enough for Mr. Jon Voight.
Elaine: Jon Voight? The actor?
George: That's right. He just happened to be the previous owner of the vehicle.
Jerry: You bought a car because it belonged to Jon Voight?
George: No, no...
Jerry: I think yes, yes. You like the idea of telling people you're driving Jon Voight's car.
George: All right, maybe I do. So what.
Elaine: I've never even seen him in a car. I mean, look at his movies. No cars. Deliverance, canoe. Midnight Cowboy, boots. Runaway Train, runaway train.

 Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Quote from The Puffy Shirt

Bryant Gumbel: Look, I'm sorry, it is just a very unusual shirt. It could be, kind of, a whole new look for you. You could put a patch over an eye. You could be the pirate comedian.
Jerry: Yeah.
Bryant Gumbel: Will you wear the puffy shirt at the..?
Jerry: Look, it's not my shirt.
Bryant Gumbel: Whose shirt is it?
Jerry: What's the difference? I agreed to wear it. It's a puffy shirt. I feel ridiculous in it. I think it's the stupidest shirt I've ever seen, to be perfectly honest with you.
Leslie: [o.s., loudly] You bastard!
Bryant Gumbel: Did you hear that?
Jerry: That I heard.

Quote from The Yada Yada

Tim Whatley: Father Curtis told me about your little joke.
Jerry: What about all your Jewish jokes?
Tim Whatley: I'm Jewish. You're not a dentist. You have no idea what my people have been through.
Jerry: The Jews?
Tim Whatley: No, the dentists. You know, we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?
Jerry: Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?