Jerry Quote #951

Quote from Jerry in The Fire

Jerry: Elaine, listen, tell me if you think this is funny. "Men definitely hit the remote more than women. Men don't care what's on TV, men only care what else is on TV. Women want to see what the show is before they change the channel, because men hunt and women nest."
Elaine: [uninterested] Yeah, it's funny, I dunno.
Jerry: You don't know? Come on, that's gold!
Elaine: Well, I don't know about "gold."
Jerry: Oh, that's gold, baby.
Elaine: "Baby"? What, are you doing George now?
Jerry: I was saying 'baby' way before George!

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 ‘The Fire’ Quotes

Quote from George

George: [hoarse from shouting] I was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.
Robin: But you yelled, "Get out of my way"!
George: Because... Because... As the leader, if I die, then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?
Robin: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic. I saw you knock them down. And when you ran out, you left everyone behind.
George: Seemingly. Seemingly. To the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing, what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? Oh! And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh-ho, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?
Fireman: How do you live with yourself?
George: It's not easy.

Quote from Jerry

[stand-up:]
Jerry: To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there. You're the least excited person at the party. You don't even really realize that there is a party. You don't know what's going on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can't do it. You don't even know why you're doing it. What is this ritual? What is going on? It's also the only two birthday parties where other people have to gather your friends together for you. Sometimes they're not even your friends. They make the judgement. They bring them in, they sit them down, and they tell you, "These are your friends!" Tell them, "Thank you for coming to my birthday party."

 Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Quote from The Puffy Shirt

Bryant Gumbel: Look, I'm sorry, it is just a very unusual shirt. It could be, kind of, a whole new look for you. You could put a patch over an eye. You could be the pirate comedian.
Jerry: Yeah.
Bryant Gumbel: Will you wear the puffy shirt at the..?
Jerry: Look, it's not my shirt.
Bryant Gumbel: Whose shirt is it?
Jerry: What's the difference? I agreed to wear it. It's a puffy shirt. I feel ridiculous in it. I think it's the stupidest shirt I've ever seen, to be perfectly honest with you.
Leslie: [o.s., loudly] You bastard!
Bryant Gumbel: Did you hear that?
Jerry: That I heard.

Quote from The Yada Yada

Tim Whatley: Father Curtis told me about your little joke.
Jerry: What about all your Jewish jokes?
Tim Whatley: I'm Jewish. You're not a dentist. You have no idea what my people have been through.
Jerry: The Jews?
Tim Whatley: No, the dentists. You know, we have the highest suicide rate of any profession?
Jerry: Is that why it's so hard to get an appointment?