J.D.: OK, he's hugging Colonel Doctor which means you got about seven seconds.
Turk: A hug takes seven seconds?
J.D.: A good one does. Here's the plan. What you're going to do is tell him a story that isn't inherently sad. That way, when you get all emotional, he's going to think you're extra-sensitive. At that point, I'll nail you with the menthol. You'll be crying like a ten-year-old Pilgrim widow. Here he comes. And black-tion.