Schitt's Creek - Moira Quote #298

Quote from Moira in New Car

Moira: [in a Cockney accent] The truth is that, um, we've- We've struggled with penury for quite some time now. Well, just two years ago, we were practically 'omeless.
Car Salesman: Where are you two from?
Johnny: You know, I've been wondering that myself.
Moira: I'm from London. I was one of two identical twins. Tragically, I was snatched from my crib at birth by Russian mobsters. Mmm-hmm. They looked at my fair skin, and my dazzling eyes, and they said, "We'll make a pretty penny on that one, on the 'uman black market, we will."
Car Salesman: And what about the twin?
Moira: What's that, love?
Car Salesman: Well, if you're identical, I thought you'd both be valuable.
Johnny: Yes, wouldn't you?
Moira: She wasn't born yet. Yep, she wasn't born 'til three minutes later. And the Bratva work very quickly.


‘New Car’ Quotes

Quote from Moira

Car Salesman: Hey folks, how we doin' today?
Moira: [in a mock Cockney accent] Oh, excited beyond compare! Yes, especially with this being our first ever purchase of an automobile.
Johnny: Yes, it's our first car, let's hope we can afford it.
Moira: Yes, my poor 'usband, lost his job recently as a tennis pro. Yes, at a public resort, that is, yeah.
Car Salesman: Well, let's get you folks settled inside, we'll see what we can do.
Moira: Oh, thank you. It'll be nice to get off the streets, and be indoors for a change, yeah?

Quote from Johnny

Johnny: Now, I'm not staying long, I just came by to borrow some clothes.
Roland: Ah, okay. Honey, why don't you check your closet, and see if you got anything that Johnny can fit into.
Johnny: Look, Moira and I are going to a used car lot today, and I just need to appear more, um...
Roland: Official?
Johnny: Casual. Casual. You see, I've got a closet full of suits, but, uh, I don't wanna be taken advantage of because I'm overdressed, I need to look like I don't have money.
Jocelyn: But you don't have any money.
Johnny: Oh, I know I don't have any money, but I need to look like I don't have money.

Quote from Moira

Moira: Oh, John, look. It's our car!
Johnny: Well, Moira, let's not pick the first car we see.
Moira: No, before David was born. We bought a car just like this, don't you remember?
Johnny: Well, I don't remember the "Everything Be Irie" bumper sticker.
Moira: Oh no, it's perfect. Hello!
Johnny: Moira, this car is $3,000 more than our budget.
Moira: I'm a trained actor. A humble back story will disabuse this man of any notion we're too patrician.
Johnny: Well, okay, but let's start by losing words like "patrician."

Moira Quotes

Quote from Roadkill

Johnny: When might we expect your daughter to show up? Because we do have a very busy day ahead of us.
Hank: Well, Baby's still sleeping. But if you wanna go and wake her up, tell her what happened, by all means.
Moira: Where is bébé's chamber?
Hank: [floorboards creak] Oh, there she is now. She's either up, or takin' a leak.
Moira: Either way, great progress for bébé.

Quote from The Olive Branch

Moira: After a glut of unasinous ideas put forth today, the room is suddenly bombilating with anticipation. Can we feel that? It's almost as though we're building towards some sort of inevitable climax.

Quote from The Hike

Roland: Wow, Johnny, are you okay?
Moira: How long has this affliction been operative?
Johnny: Yeah, I felt a little tightening this morning, Moira, when I picked up that box of programs from the printer's, but I'm good.
Moira: John, how was I to know you were in peril? You keep everything inside, like a bashful clam!