April: Okay, somebody's got to do something. I'm getting a cluster headache.
Jerry: Oh, whoa, whoa, he's leaving.
Tom: Let's go. I'm gonna throw it away. No, I'm not. It weighs a billion tons.
Jerry: What is he typing anyway?
Donna: "If you sons of bitches try to remove this typewriter, I'll kill you."
[Everyone scatters as Ron returns:]
Ron Swanson: I'm gonna type every word I know. Rectangle! America! Megaphone! Monday! Butthole.

Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I found this typewriter next to the courtyard dumpster. An old Underwood Five with original carriage return. [typewriter dings] Ah. I took her home, polished her up, and bought a brand-new ribbon off of electronicBay.com.

Ben: Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but these interviews are more important than we thought. Harvest Fest is two weeks away, and awareness is still pretty low.
Leslie Knope: Boy, 35%.
Ben: It's actually 34.2%.
Leslie Knope: [robotic voice] 34.2%. I am Ben, the numbers robot.
Ben: It's just an exact, uh, calculation.
Leslie Knope: [robotic voice] It is just an exact calculation.